Posted by Daisym on May 2, 2006, at 21:55:20
In reply to So confused and upset, posted by Daisym on May 1, 2006, at 2:45:31
The feelings that swirl around all of this are so confusing because I'm not sure what part of me is terrified. I've been talking about it with my therapist the past two days and we've reached two separate possibilities -- the trails lead to me being terrified of being made to go home if he is all "fixed." This definately stems from the very young part that never told my mom and couldn't defend myself against the sexual abuse. So much of the fear of telling was about not being believe or nothing changing, snuffing out the hope, I guess. And the other trail leads to his therapist telling him that my therapy is bad for our marriage and so if I would stop seeing my therapist, everything will be the same again. And somehow, someway, he figures out how to get me to stop therapy.
These are those rare sessions when my therapist is being firm, clear and not so gentle. He keeps painting the picture of what it was like, and how much it was destroying me to live in the anger. It is really hard to hear, yet I know he only is telling me back my own stories. He tells me I need to hang on, not fold up and not give in. IF I decide later on, after much discussion to try again, that's fine. Today he said, "isn't it interesting that you see yourself as a monster for leaving and I see it as the most healthy thing you've ever done for yourself...besides therapy, of course.(grin)"
Thanks for all the support. I'm just reeling from how hard this all is. I shudder to think about what might come next.
love and hugs,
Daisy
poster:Daisym
thread:638672
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060422/msgs/639451.html