Posted by fallsfall on May 1, 2006, at 7:45:31
In reply to So confused and upset, posted by Daisym on May 1, 2006, at 2:45:31
I'm glad he is going to go to therapy. He needs it.
I think some of this is your fear of "telling". You have done nothing wrong. So how can you be in trouble for it?
If I were you, I'd be afraid that his going into therapy might mean that you need to reevaluate your decision to leave. It was such a hard decision, that I would imagine you wouldn't want to make that decision again. And I think that you really don't believe that he could change enough for it to make a difference. So all the effort of reevaluating will leave you with the same decision you have now. Doesn't sound like fun to me!
I think that you DO want him to have more peace. But you want him to have it without you. Having him in indidividual therapy does NOT mean that you have to do marriage counseling.
You HAVE the ability to say "No marriage counseling. I've made up my mind on the marriage. It isn't healthy for me to reevaluate this." And isn't this what your therapist supports??
Try to take this one step at a time. He has therapy for himself so that he can be a happier person (and heaven knows he needs that!). This is about him. Not about you. His therapy will be about him and how he views and reacts to the world around him. It isn't about you.
Maybe you are afraid that his therapy will cause him to ask you questions that you don't want to answer? Like about the abuse? I know that you are terrified to let him know about it, and that you are afraid that he will use the information unfairly in a fight. You have been able to keep this information from him. But if he starts asking you specific questions it might be harder to keep your "secret"?
But, in all honesty, Daisy, he is much too selfish to get into your stuff at all. You can't get him to talk about you even when you try really hard. And you DO have the right to say "I'm not going to talk about that".
I'm glad he's going to get some help. He needs it.
Stay in touch
Love,
Falls
poster:fallsfall
thread:638672
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060422/msgs/638701.html