Posted by TexasChic on August 29, 2008, at 12:23:00
In reply to Re: Thanks everybody. » TexasChic, posted by Kath on August 29, 2008, at 10:47:21
I think what makes me the most nervous, and what made me the most nervous before I took off, is that I'm supposed to meet weekly with my boss and her boss to discuss whether or not I am improving.
What gets me all panicky is when I think of that, all I can think of is the time I met with her and her boss, and he said there was a person that who has been in my position for a shorter period than I have that is doing better than me. He's talking about one of two people who are graphic artists but do not have the same job as I do. So how could my performance possibly be compared to this person? (I've actually had to show these two how to do some very simple procedures, which lets me know they are still at a much lower level than I am when it comes to Graphic Arts). Of course I tried to ask at the time but he cut me off saying he wasn't going to get into all that.
The reason this particular event makes me especially panicky is because its a prime example of how little he actually knows about my job and the fact that he is obviously going by what my supervisor is telling him. Meaning what I say will never matter. So when I think about these weekly meetings that instance just replays over and over, of me trying to defend myself to someone who couldn't possibly understand and is obviously just siding with my boss.
Then there's the conversations with her where she'll criticize me for things that don't really make any sense (she's especially good at talking in circles - if you know what that is), while I'm sitting there just trying to maintain my dignity.
These conversations are what scare me the most about going back because they always frustrate me and leave me feeling like an idiot because I'm not good at the quick comeback like they are. Later on I'll think, well that question didn't even make sense! But because I had no comeback (because it confused me) I had no answer, which in their eyes proves their point.
I hope that made sense. I just needed to get that out so I could get it straight in my own head.
-T
poster:TexasChic
thread:848587
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20080816/msgs/848982.html