Posted by TexasChic on August 27, 2008, at 11:11:03
I wrote (HERE'S THE TRIGGER) before and (END TRIGGER) after I talk about it, so you can skip over it if you want and it still makes sense. I hope that helps. I just had to tell somebody about it.
I had an appt with my pdoc today, she was supposed to give me a note for approval to go back to work. I stopped at the mailbox on the way, and saw my last 2 checks to them had bounced (because of how I screwed up my checking account the last couple of weeks). I was planning on writing a check today since I get paid on Friday, but I knew they probably wouldn't go for that now.
So I went up there and told them the deal, and after much talk amongst themselves, they said they just couldn't see me without paying and with those two bounced checks. I told her how I was supposed to get a note saying I could go back to work on Tuesday, and she said they couldn't do that without seeing me.
I do understand where they're coming from, when I was waiting I heard another woman that couldn't pay and they were telling her the same thing and she was saying, "But how am I going to get my prescriptions?" All I could think was, this world just sucks.
I went ahead and made an appt for Tue, and hopefully I can work it out with work. My biggest fear is having to talk to my boss. I don't know why but I've built it up to this big scary thing in my head. So I'm hoping I only have to talk to HR.
I honestly I hope the pdoc extends my time off. (HERE'S THE TRIGGER) I just can't stop crying and I keep seeing these images in my head of slitting my wrists. I would never do that because of what it would do to my family, but I can see the allure.(END TRIGGER)
I just feel like I'm a hopeless case and I'll never be able to take care of myself like a normal grown up person. I keep having people tell me I have some exceptional skills and should have no problem getting a job, but I've been applying nonstop for 3 months now! Out of literally hundreds of jobs I've applied for, I've had one interview and two requests for additional information that didn't go anywhere.
And, this is a complete change of subject but, I get so mad when I think of how much work I have done at my current job, above and beyond what is asked for, and I have my other coworkers telling me I know more than anyone else there. But the PsychoBitch just has beat me down for no reason! Its just not fair! For a reasonably normal person, I would make an excellent employee.
I'm just so sad and drained and utterly hopeless right now. I know these feelings will pass (or at least get pushed to the back of my brain so that I can function), but it really sucks when you're right in the middle of experiencing them.
-T
poster:TexasChic
thread:848587
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20080816/msgs/848587.html