Posted by FindingMyDesire on May 21, 2009, at 23:19:32
In reply to Just looking for attention, posted by FindingMyDesire on May 20, 2009, at 1:17:45
Part of me feels like, "Here we go again." I tank, I suffer, I finally share my pain, I get care (amazing care where she gets me and even adjusts some things to make it better/easier for me), then I start down this next path. I start feeling the love for her. Next I'll want to shower her with my feelings and declarations of love. I'll survive that and feel like I can take on the world. I'll start being me again and taking up space - doing the things I love and asking to be seen and supported by my partner.
And THEN, it will all start over.
So, maybe I won't wait this time until I feel the disconnection part coming. I'll just tell her that's my fear next time I see her (instead of/or in addition to the love feelings). Right now I feel like I could trust her with anything.
And yes, I shared some of the dark and ugly parts tonight. I told her what self-destructive behaviors I exhibited this week. It didn't seem to change how she cares about me or scare her off though. She just was right there with me.
Thanks again to everyone who helped me through this week.
FMD
poster:FindingMyDesire
thread:896744
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090515/msgs/897070.html