Posted by happyflower on May 1, 2006, at 17:21:54
In reply to I couldn't look at my T today, posted by happyflower on May 1, 2006, at 16:10:27
in my marriage. My DH nows wants to be a husband in every way but without talking about what he has done to me over the last year.
He tried to make the moves on me this weekend while I was sleeping. He started to kiss me and I woke up and I thought I could do it, but I couldn't, I don't feel anything torwards him anymore but hurt and disgust. I went down stairs crying and sleep on the sofa. I told him to never do that again, told him he needed therapy, and a condom too. He has avoided me since then.
I guess his affair is over, he has been home a lot more than he has over the past year. But how can he just pretend like everything is okay and try to have sex with me? It is the last thing I want right now.So this is part of why I don't want to look at my T today. I feel like a loaded gun. I can't talk to him except for my session. So he isn't my friend, so why should I even try to be nice to him and say hi? He doesn't care about my life except for the 50 min. I pay him to listen. So why bother say hi? He isn't my friend, he isn't my friend, he isn't my friend. I am thinking very seriously about cancelling my appointment this week. I am sick of therapy and sick of him. Actually I am thinking about quitting totally.
You know it kinda pisses me off that he talks about his life, things that have nothing to do with me. Like concerts he goes too. What does that have to do with me and my therapy? It seems like he is using the hour to talk about himself and his life too much. Because the day after the concert, if I see him I want to ask him about it, but I can't because we are not in his office, and we can't have a social relationship, so why does he tell me this stuff? I am beginning to resent what I thought was him treating me special and telling me about his life. But yet it hurts because it can't be that way outside of therapy. But yet I really do like talking to him because we have so much in common and I really like him. Well therapy should be about me not him. I shouldn't know these things about him, if I didn't then it wouldn't hurt me when I want to talk about it outside of therapy, but can't. So I am angry at him for doing this to me, almost suducing me because he acts so social in the session like friends. But the thing is it should be more about me than a give and take of a friendship. He is using me for whatever reasons, but yet puts the reins on when I want more, or at least what he is getting from me. I feel so confused about everything.
poster:happyflower
thread:638845
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060422/msgs/638873.html