Posted by Eddie Sylvano on December 10, 2002, at 16:11:09
In reply to Thanks to all posters! On bullying...., posted by WorryGirl on December 10, 2002, at 13:27:31
> I was bullied often as a child and feel that the treatment played a large part in who I have become as an adult. I guess it's easier for some than others to "leave the past behind".
---------------------------I'm sure there have been hundreds of studies done on the matter, but the practice of bullying and rudeness have made me think that bullies and victims all stem from the same source. When someone experiences pain or frustration, they can either get angry about it, or they can become sad. Bullies obviously take the anger road, while we seem to take the sadness route. Both are faces of pain. What makes people choose their role? I dunno. Genetics or upbringing, I guess. I know that I was exposed to constant anger from my dad while growing up, and it would simply sadden me. As a result, I grew to fear and despise anger in people, including myself. Anger was stupid and destructive, while sadness was at least noble by comparison. Unfortunately, my dad isn't the only one who casts inapropriate anger, and plenty of other people in my lifetime found that I didn't get angry back.
I've always had an idealistic hope that by being meek and forgiving (the visible side of being loving), that I could help the other angry people see that I'm not like whoever made *them* angry, and they'd see that there were better options to anger. Everyone wants to be loved, don't they?
It hasn't really worked out for me, though. Treating those who abuse you with kindness only seems to get you more abuse. Anger seems to be like a virus, or a rule to a game, converting everyone to it so that they might compete. It's like anger is the sellout choice in the prisoner's dilemma, and love is keeping quiet.
idk. I was really angry yesterday for no real reason after reading your story. I hate to hear about nice people getting crapped on. I felt like attacking someone. It's much more empowering to get angry than to cower.
I'd posted previously about the movie "Punchdrunk Love," in which Adam Sandler portrays a person who demonstrates both sides of the spectrum. 95% of the time, he's very timid and shy, unable to talk to people and enduring abuse with quiet tolerance. When his threshold gets crossed, however, he explodes in unchecked rage. In a scene where a truckload of petty thugs rams his car, he's stunned and afraid. When he sees that the wreck has injured his girlfriend, however, he absolutely snaps, beating the men with a tire iron in a trancelike fury. It's a character I could easily identify with, as I imagine many bully victims might. It's an allegory for the real world of Columbine and Goetz. Ideally, no one would bully, or victims would respond in healthier ways; we would all see the hurt in each other and recognize that we're in a collective. It was obviously Christ's idea. Sadly, or so it seems to me, people just aren't wired to do that, or maybe we're just pushed in the wrong direction so early in life that it's too permeant to unlearn.
Anyway, I applaud you for being the better person at the mall this year. You're immeasurably more decent and valuable and justified a person to me than all the other people that you've described. They're all idiots, and you should just stare blankly at them when they harass you, like one might look when contemplating what a barking dog is trying to tell them. Don't acknowledge them.
poster:Eddie Sylvano
thread:33113
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20021206/msgs/33179.html