Posted by WorryGirl on December 9, 2002, at 12:16:38
I have GAD. I've been doing fairly well dealing with my anxiety by getting as much sleep as possible, and reading books on cognitive therapy techniques and trying to change my low perception of myself, especially how I handle social situations. Reading this board helps considerably, too - the suggestions and other people's experiences.
I still sometimes talk too much and often say the wrong thing, but overall I feel that I've improved.
My problem: I do not do well when I go out (usually shopping) with my kids alone. People don't treat me well, and it is not my imagination that when my husband is with me we are treated with much more respect. But I feel that there is something about me that people are reading before I've even opened my mouth, and I tend to get a lot of disapproving looks and condescending airs. I often get ignored completely while others get waited on immediately and when I request service I am treated as though I don't belong there.
I dress well (comfortably nice) and have been reasonably successful at maintaining a healthy weight, so I don't believe that it is my "appearance" that is making people treat me this way. I am somehow sending off signals that people are buying into that I don't feel good enough.
I smile, and do fairly well maintaining eye contact - what is it?
I came home in tears today because I had to buy something for my daughter at a children's clothing store. While waiting in a long line, one of my daughters was getting a little fussy (of course nobody else's child was being fussy at this particular time). I was doing my best to calm her and was finally successful. During this time I got many disapproving looks, which I know happens to many other people with fussy children, not just me. The two women working at the checkout counter were continuously giving me the evil eye, as well, but I was stunned when a very haughty looking woman barged right in front of me when it was my turn to have the clothes rung up.
In the past, I have always let rude people have their way (basically let people walk over me) and said nothing, but today I decided to speak up and said, "Excuse me, but I was next in line". The check out girl sneered and said, "Maam, we will be with you when it is your turn". I replied, "This woman was behind me and barged in front of me", but the checkout women proceeded to ignore me. I asked to speak to the manager, and the other salesperson said that she was the manager. I told her that they had both seen me in line and knew that I was next and didn't appreciate the way I was treated as a patron of this store. They basically told me I was free to take my business elsewhere. I turned around to leave and accidentally BARELY brushed a little girl (this was a very crowded store) and her mother looked at me as if I were Ted Bundy and said, "You practically knocked down my daughter!". I apologized and said that it wasn't intentional and quickly exited. NOBODY took up for me and EVERYONE in that store knew that I was next. What was it about ME that made me get treated so poorly even when I tried to stand up for my right?
As I was leaving, in a loud voice, I said "Merry Christmas, everyone, and goodwill to all!".
When I got to my car, I couldn't stop crying, and don't even want to shop alone anymore, even though I still have many gifts to buy. I have to learn how to handle these situations. I know rudeness happens to everyone, but I can't help feeling that I look like a loser; someone to pick on. I don't want my daughters growing up seeing me mishandle social situations, but I dread going out so much that I'm becoming more and more of a recluse. I have to be a better role model for my daughters - help!
poster:WorryGirl
thread:33113
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20021206/msgs/33113.html