Posted by Pfinstegg on December 9, 2002, at 14:38:18
In reply to I dread shopping more than ever-feel like failure, posted by WorryGirl on December 9, 2002, at 12:16:38
You acted just right- first you were courteous, then, when it became clear that a more aggressive woman was going to jump the line, you responded with gradually increasing assertiveness. You didn't lose control of your temper, nor did you remain passive. You did the best you could in a situation where it seems as if the most aggressive person was going to get her way. I think all of us are encountering huge amounts of aggression in daily life these days- in shopping, driving, etc. It seems clear to me that the service people behind the desk weren't responding to any deficiency of yours, but were falling into a pecking-order line behind the most aggressive person in the store at the time.
I think you behaved just right- I'm pretty sure that you don't want to be as aggressive as the woman who jumped the line- and you don't need to be to feel normal and adequate. It's natural to burst into tears in the car afterwards, too. You wanted to be in a fair and democratic situation, and someone else turned it into a power struggle. The thing is- don't take that final step in your thinking and assume that there's something wrong with you socially. Your daughters are fortunate to have a sensitive, loving mother- having a very aggressive one who always wins those store battles would probably be much less to their advantage. But, like all of us here, you need to believe in your own really, really good attributes! Next time this happens, you could make a humorous remark to your daughters about just not being able to get a fair shake when there are very aggressive people around- I bet it will strike a familiar chord in them if they are old enough to be in school.
Pfinstegg
poster:Pfinstegg
thread:33113
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20021206/msgs/33116.html