Posted by FindingMyDesire on June 1, 2009, at 1:12:09
In reply to Back to the same yucky place, posted by Annierose on May 29, 2009, at 21:18:09
I'm just coming to this now as I have been out of town for the weekend. Wow, there has been a lot of big feelings posted in the last couple of days that I can relate to.
Anger is the toughest one, isn't it? I hate feeling anger towards my T. Sometimes I do feel she gets defensive. Sometimes she is too quiet. Sometimes I think she jumps too quickly to fix it. She's always encouraging me to feel OK about feeling it - even towards her, but then I feel like she shuts me down with that "critical" silence or too quickly explaining it back to me. Explaining. You describe a lot of explaining from your T. That seems to always bug me for some reason - even when it's a response I thought I wanted to hear. Basically, when I'm angry, I don't think my T can do anything right. And I don't *really* know if she can handle it. She says she can take more, but really?
I don't get how I can be writing her the most loving, mushy, gushy love letter one second and then a f*ck-you letter the next. I only give her the love letters. I feel embarrassed, insecure, and pathetic with my love letters, but the angry ones bring up the *shame*. That's just too much.
*sigh*
I'm sorry about the yucky place. I'm sorry you are in this cycle. It *is* hard. It's all hard.
((((((((((Annierose))))))))))
FMD
poster:FindingMyDesire
thread:898357
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090515/msgs/898725.html