Posted by Racer on April 26, 2006, at 10:59:42
In reply to Re: Here's my take on it..., posted by starloree on April 25, 2006, at 19:40:24
I can see that the wallet thing would be infuriating -- and I have a fried PC waiting for me to get fixed courtesy of my husband, so I *do* understand -- but did you notice that you got very worked up in telling about these things? And you only responded to the part of my post that relates most directly to your husband?
That might be what your T is trying to help redirect you away from. Both the holding on to the anger, and the focus on what your husband is doing/not doing.
Here's the thing: you can't do anything to change your husband's behavior. All you can do is work on your own response to it, and improving your coping skills so that you don't get so upset by it.
And while you may not believe it now, it does make a difference. My husband is working on his station behind me right now, and it feels so nice to have him so close to me. His memory hasn't improved, he's still quite oblivious in many ways, but I've learned a lot about coping with him. Mostly, not to expect certain things from him, and that anything that really matters to me has to be up to me. It's hard, sometimes, because I wish someone would do some things for me (like making me Jell-O after I had surgery last month), but it just ain't likely to happen with him. And, once I accepted that, and stopped trying to make him live up to expectations that were totally foreign to his nature, I got much happier, and fell in love with him all over again.
Which doesn't mean I don't wish he would vacuum...
Anyway, I'd bet that the energy you put into being upset about your husband just in the time it took to write that post would be enough energy to fuel your studying for your next final. Maybe your T is trying to help you refocus that energy away from what you can't do anything about (ie: your husband's behavior), and towards something that you can (ie: your coping strategies).
poster:Racer
thread:636960
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060422/msgs/637199.html