Posted by madeline on April 26, 2006, at 6:26:55
In reply to Re: Here's my take on it..., posted by starloree on April 25, 2006, at 19:40:24
When I first started going to my T, all I wanted to do was sit there and talk about how much I hated men. I would get sooooo mad at my T for not agreeing with me, but he never did.
I wanted him to say that yes, men are pigs and that I was an amazing generous person for putting up with these foul beasts that had hurt me over and over again. But not once did he say anything along those lines.
I would tell him that he was supposed to validate everything I thought and felt and make it okay. But he never did.
And he was right. Men were not the problem, the way my history caused me to view men was the problem and THAT's what needed to be worked on.
It sounds as though your husband's behavior is triggering some very old feelings that you have, and these old feelings are probably what you need to work on.
I learned that by simply trying to rally support that men were awful, or, in your case, that your husband is awful, really doesn't solve the problem. It would have made me feel vindicated, yes, but I would have felt "right" and still have all of the issues I had.
It sounds to me that your therapist is trying to move you toward dealing with your root issues and not the way they are manifesting in your relationship with your husband. For me, it was best to let my T help me make that move.
That being said, I probably would have been irked at the whole wallet thing myself. Getting all that sorted out is SUCH a pain.
poster:madeline
thread:636960
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060422/msgs/637133.html