Posted by Dinah on April 25, 2006, at 9:57:57
In reply to Re: » 64bowtie, posted by Dinah on April 25, 2006, at 9:47:00
or put more energy into trying to rebuild our relationship. Of course, he is who he is to me for the very reason that he's so laid back.
But I am afraid that one way or another I'm going to lose something that was once so important to me, and that I want to be important to me again. And that he isn't going to try to help me with that at all.
I hate to talk about this on board, because it seems to make people uncomfortable.
But my rational side wants to move. All sorts of good reasons. Good rational reasons.
And my emotional side worries about my son being uprooted at about the same age I had my first whateveryouwanttocallit and desparately doesn't want him to have one of those ruin the rest of his life like it did mine. And perhaps even more, my emotional side doesn't want to lose this person who is so very important to me. Or who was so important to me and who I hope to someday be important to me again. My emotional side thinks that life really wouldn't be worth living without him.
And hardest of all to recognize is that there might be an angry nihilist living within. I'm a bit scared to talk about that because it doesn't fit in with my view of myself. But I think it's exerting a strong pull on me right now.
I just wish I could get my therapist to dynamically help me with this. But it's like trying to light a rock on fire.
poster:Dinah
thread:636692
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060422/msgs/636891.html