Posted by antigua on October 22, 2004, at 10:50:04
In reply to It's only cloudy today » antigua, posted by Daisym on October 22, 2004, at 2:39:12
I thought it was your rebellious adolescent having her way. How do you soothe a girl that age? She is striving to be independent but wants to still be protected at the same time. Interesting to consider. You'll figure it out, I have faith.
To some extent, Daisy, I don't know how much transference I've experienced with my T over the years. I'm sure I have, but I can't (or won't) remember specifically. Actually, I thought I was past it, but lately....
Since I had started EMDR, my sessions w/regular T have been very analytical and basically emotionless. They were great, I had plenty of insight, but she pointed out I wasn't FEELING anything anymore w/her. The feelings were felt in EMDR sessions and I could discuss them, but they did not become integrated--I was simply reporting what I was feeling, w/o feeling. Does that make any sense?
After my "accident" I wanted to pull away from my T entirely and my fellow babblers helped me to realize that would be a mistake. I think I was afraid of the feelings.
So, I have stopped EMDR for now (but am planning on going back) and I am more present w/my regular T.
I feel an incredible dependence on her, very childlike, infantile or toddler-like whenever I leave her. She walks me to the door and I feel like she's pushing me away to take care of her other children. The feeling doesn't last long, but comes and goes when I'm not with her.
We've discussed it. Maybe it's one of the final levels of denial/defense that I have. I still cannot let her in completely, but I very much want to now, in a very needy, dependent way. We've been talking about how I think she could disappoint me if I reveal this child to her, and I'm really focused on any type of reaction I might receive from her. I'm not afraid she will be angry or fall short, I'm worried about the compassion I might see in her eyes and behavior, which to me means that I will have to face the reality of what happened; I won't be able to protect myself anymore and I'm afraid of my own feelings.
Does that make any sense? It's still a trust issue, basically. So simple, really, but so very difficult.
Don't work too hard. Or just hard enough so that you can sleep,
antigua
poster:antigua
thread:405006
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20041016/msgs/405849.html