Posted by mandinka on October 21, 2004, at 2:22:08
In reply to Re: It's raining, inside and out (trigger potential) » mandinka, posted by daisym on October 21, 2004, at 1:29:28
Big hug! No time was wasted on you during my session. It was my pleasure and will to help you out a bit.
I know your gut feeling and intellect are at odds. That's how it works for everyone. What I'm telling you comes from the part of me that is healthy enough to know better even when I'm at the bottom of despair. This deeper knowledge somehow pulls me through. So, even if your gut finds it hard for you to accept the thought, try holding on to the following: my T knows me better than anyone on the surface of this Earth (even if I put up a bit of an act) and still says I'm worthy of love. Maybe there actually is something to it?! :)
Even if it is very hard for you to bear your emerging emotions, it is good that you can feel them. It means you are not dead inside. I know this might sound like a cruel joke to you right now but feeling the things you couldn't feel once is the path to healing. Maybe your friend suggests medication because your pain on an unconscious level triggers her own and she tries to stomp down her own anxiety by talking you into dulling down your senses?
If anger work isn't an option for you right now, then soothing acceptace of your T, and cautious dipping into your pool of pain with slow, step by step resolving it probably is the answer. Maybe you should increase the frequency of visits? Can you call your T every day? You definitely need support. She's your best bet, so take your needs seriously and enlist her help.
From what you write I'd guess that you have high levels of shock. Anger work is good for trauma while this gentle release of pain with lots of support is good for shock, which is more primordial than trauma. If you have the "deer in the headlights" reaction and feel helpless in the face of adversity, then you're dealing with shock. Once enough shock is worked through you'll access the trauma part of your wounding. Then anger should emerge. That's my layman guess at least.
Let the adult part of you embrace the little girl inside that is full of pain. Try talking to her like you would to your own child when it cries. This is how you love yourself. I'd love to take that little girl on my lap and hold her in my arms. Can you do this in my name?
poster:mandinka
thread:405006
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20041016/msgs/405370.html