Posted by Amelia_in_StPaul on May 15, 2009, at 18:57:40
In reply to Re: Giving up (*potentially triggering*), posted by Zana on April 30, 2009, at 16:08:54
hello (((((((zana)))))))
thank you for your positive perspective! actually, I was in a PhD (English) but dropped out several years ago. Never say "never," but I think that road has closed for me.
still interested in hearing some good stuff? (I know it has been an embarrassingly long time between your post and my message--it just sort of got worse for awhile and I found it hard to even think about being hopeful.) Okay (big breath), I'll try...I am working on short fiction and a novel. The novel I haven't touched since fall, but I hope to get back to it this summer, since it takes place in the summer anyway. I did finish a completed piece of short fiction this spring, for which I'm grateful, and then wrote half of, but could not complete, another piece, because it turned out to be triggering. I love writing short fiction and can't wait to feel better so that I can take it up again.
my monster house does now have a positive to it...the upstairs is getting closer to being done...and it has pretty colors--a muted yellow in the closet room, an orange hallway, and a blue bedroom. a family member who tends to be a big critic came over and sort of said "wow" and "wow," which helped a lot--to think of the smell of rot and the falling plaster that used to exist on the second floor and to see now the colors that sooth and excite.
we have to try to do that with the downstairs, which mostly needs work because of all the damage that happened during tear down and reconstruction of the upstairs (someone fell through the bathroom ceiling, but wasn't hurt, thank god), but also because the former owners kind of covered up stuff with wallpaper and hasty paint jobs. when I think of all it needs as one big project, I despair--it took us, literally, four years to do the upstairs--so I need to try to remember that it does feel good to take such an awful circumstance and turn it around, and too, try to chunk out the projects downstairs, taking it one at a time.
I hope I didn't bore you with all of this. How incredibly kind and empathetic of you to ask me about the positives. Honestly, your post lit up a light inside of me of hope and joy (and better self-regard than I've had in recent months), but I was still so depressed and in a fog that I let that feeling get away.
thank you so much (((((((zana))))))))
> I hear all of the pain and hardship in your life but I am struck by all the potential. I find myself excited to know that you are working on a PhD and want to know what you are studying. I think it's grand that you are a writer, even if you are struggling to get any work done, and I am curious about what kind of writing you do. Tell us some of the good stuff. What have you managed to do with the damn house? I too am living in a house we can't afford and can't afford to sell. It's a terrible burden. But it sounds as though you have made some headway, accomplished something with your's.
> Maybe this sounds way off base but your post leaves me wanting to know more about you and what you are struggling to accomplish.
>
> Zana
poster:Amelia_in_StPaul
thread:893471
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090515/msgs/895971.html