Posted by Racer on April 28, 2006, at 15:01:28
In reply to Re: C'mon, women, embrace your inner geek! » Racer, posted by orchid on April 28, 2006, at 14:11:46
>>I think it is because of my abuse and childhood experiences that I am still not getting a hang on it.
I think there are more possible elements to it, including things like what you wrote about coding being emotionless; your generation, which got different messages about femininity than mine did; your native culture and its views of appropriate gender roles; your family dynamics; and so many more things that might not be apparent without a backhoe to dig them up.
Do you know any relaxation techniques? Even just taking a deep breath and being conscious of relaxing your abdominal muscles? Just try that, and try to conjure up a sense of what you feel when you think "I am womanly." See if anything comes up for you that might suggest why it's so hard for you? Like, does being "womanly" to you mean being silly? Vulnerable? Behaving unpleasantly towards others? Being unacceptably subservient toward others? (I had a roommate in college from a SEA moslem country who was fiercely "masculine," because in her mind, being "feminine" meant being half a person -- not deserving education, not deserving the best food, not mattering enough that anyone ever asked what you wanted. Admittedly, she was disturbed in ways that had little to do with where she was born, but it's amazing what "womanly" means to different people.)
At any rate, here's a little half cup of hope for you: I had a lot more trouble with all of this when I was younger. Now, I'm a middle aged woman, I know what I know, I do what I do, and if it's not OK, then you're not my friend. The only thing that's really changed is my age, so it's likely you'll get more comfortable with your self, little by little, as a natural development. (My mother says she just doesn't care as much, which may be all it is. I still care about things, but not about whether or not I'm feminine enough, or too feminine, or anything like that.)
Hope that helps.
poster:Racer
thread:637513
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060422/msgs/637877.html