Posted by antigua on December 1, 2005, at 9:15:39
In reply to Re: Unconscious Seduction -trigger » antigua, posted by daisym on December 1, 2005, at 0:26:19
Wow, that was hard with the pdoc. I would never have thought to have answered any differently than you did. I don't ever considered my father "a sexual partner" but maybe I should. That's way too hard for me to accept. but you are right and it is true. As a matter of fact, and I think of this often (sorry to trigger) but I do often think of how he ruined me for any type of normal sexual life, and I hate him for that. Braking the innocence of sexuality is probably the worst thing he did to me.. Somehow I've let it color everything and at the heart of it, it makes me a freak,or at least that's how I feel about it.
But there's an internal and external reality. I can come to the boards and discuss this like an adult (or a child) but if I try to talk about it outside therapy, the reaction is stupefying, and it reinforces my feelings as a freak. That's not to say I talk about it a lot, and I am very careful about it, but even with my husband I feel a judgment that I am a poisoned person because of it.
Sorry if that hurts. It just kind of popped out. My transference is very hard right now too because I can't/won't tell the man in question, because if Ts have trouble w/it, well, you can imagine.
That's part of my problem. I feel that my perceptions are so distorted, as if there is a manual I never got because of what happened to me.
good luck with your T today. Just keep on talking. I had a long sexual talk with mine yesterday, but it didn't really hit home.
best,
antigua
poster:antigua
thread:583595
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051130/msgs/584131.html