Posted by cloudydaze on July 30, 2006, at 2:53:56
In reply to Re: finally... » cloudydaze, posted by gardenergirl on July 28, 2006, at 20:01:46
> > > If someone IRL feels justifiably angry about something, and you can understand and relate to their anger, does that mean you should excuse or overlook a problematic behavior related to the anger?
***no, of course you don't overlook problematic behavoir....but what is the definition of "problematic"? One person's definition is different from the next - get where I'm going with this?
>>> What if they do something such as breaking a valued object, hitting someone, or yelling obscenities and insults to someone? Does that go unremarked because you can understand their anger or even if not, because you can see they are "in a state"?
***yelling obscenities and acts of violence are much different than someone posting something that *they* think is completely civil. The difference is motive. If you yell obscenities or act violently, you are trying to hurt someone. It is intentional. I'm not entirely convinced that a lot of people on this site who get blocked or warned are intentionally trying to hurt someone. I think that if we know that someone is "in a state" we shouldn't jump to conclusions about their intentions. I know i've had lapses in good judgement before, due to being "in a state". I wonder if this site is trying to cenvey the message that you shouldn't post while you're "in a state" - if that's the case, then I think the posts would decrease dramatically....because I think that people would want to post more if they were overcome with emotion - whether it be anger, sadness, panic, whatever...
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> You're not accountable for other's feelings. In the case I write about above, I asked about accountability for the *behaviors* associated with the anger, not the *feeling* of anger. Should a behavior such as shouting obscenties or insults at someone be considered acceptable behavior?***no, but then again I haven't seen many posts where people are "shouting" obscenities at each other....
>>Isn't this behavior separate from how anyone might respond to it, either IRL or here on the board? Maybe not a single person queried would feel offended. Does that make it an acceptable behavior?
***By definition, yes. Technically if it's not rejected, it's accepted. Does that mean it would be acceptable somewhere else? Not necessarily. "Acceptable behavoir" is not set in stone. It varies from place to place, culture to culture, and even person to person. For example, a lot people think that eating beef is a perfectly fine behavoir. Hindus, on the other hand, do not consider eating beef an acceptable behavoir. They find it offensive. So is eating cows acceptable or not? Depends on who you ask.
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> That's what I'm asking. I can't argue or judge anyone's feelings. They are not mine to assess. But behavior is separate from feelings. Related in many cases. But a separate construct.***here lies the problem. Is posting about behavior or feelings? Technically, posting is a behavior, yes, but it's not quite the same as a direct physical behavoir toward another person. A computer is caught in the middle. Communication is different online. There is only written thoughts/feelings, not physical events. And written things are a lot easier to misinterpret than visual cues. Unless you actually see the malicious look in someone's eye while they are posting, how can you be sure what their intent was?
There is a lot of room for misinterpretation and bias here.
I like what laima said about people speaking up when they are offended. I would like to know if I offend someone! I think that people should speak up, and be trusted to speak up. That would be a good rule - if you're offended, speak up. But of course be "civil".
I don't mind someone telling me that my post is offensive - they could even tell me I'm offensive. Better to know, than to go around offending others...
poster:cloudydaze
thread:670602
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20060622/msgs/671940.html