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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1158 to 1182 of 1838. Go back in thread:
Posted by headachequeen on November 12, 2004, at 15:53:03
In reply to Re: Topamax: weight loss/mild depression, posted by merry on November 11, 2004, at 19:59:25
> I'm taking topomax because I'm bipolar and I use it to keep my moods under control. I was using lithium and depakote but they turned me unto this big balloon woman. This made my depression worse. My pdoc switched me to topomax because of it's mood stabalizing effects without weight gain. I haven't gained weight. I lost weight. I am still losing weight. Slowly. It's a bonus to feeling better. I feel happier. I feel calmer.
>
> merry
I remember when I was being treated for what was thought to be depression... every medication that was tried was one that caused weight gain...
well, now that is really helpful...
if I was not depressed to begin with, gaining enough weight to make me feel embarrassed to be seen in public and mine was a fishbowl existence given my job, was certainly going to create depression...
I know there are those on this board who think that people who are concerned about weight and the way they look are superficial, but it is anything but...
try standing up in front of five hundred or more people and making a presentation, or working on television and wondering if someone is going to confuse you with the Goodyear Blimp...
self-image is really important...
and when that weight is not something that can be removed with exercise and restraint...
I could starve myself for a week and not lose a pound (I know because I did just that and often... in an effort to regain control and to fit into clothes that looked suitable for work) and exercise was a lost cause... when you become exhausted carrying all that extra weight up two flights of stairs to your office and studios who can think of a strenuous work-out in the gym...
besides I did that too...
and I went biking and walking and hiking and back-packing and still didn't lose weight...funny, but my neuro, the first one, never mentioned a mood-stabilising effect of Topomax, but as I think of it, I have been much less inclined to fly off the handle these past few months...
there has to be a reason for it...
and don't anyone say it comes with maturity <g>
kat
Posted by headachequeen on November 12, 2004, at 16:03:08
In reply to Re: For rainy » merry, posted by rainy on November 11, 2004, at 20:46:59
> Bless you, merry. They think I'm manic because I'm doing a lot of stuff. LikE organizing a small out of class study group for my spanish class. Facilitating a small group (clumsily I'm afraid) in my church. joining a committee in another church as well as one in my own. considering voluntering in planned parenthood, calling people in the group up and appropriately talking with them--things that are out of character for me.
> At the same time, especially since starting provigil (and the Bush election didn't help), I've been flat out dark depressed, fleetingly suicidal, like black birds flying through my head, tearful, that bit. Obsessing about stuff and unable to shut up my chatterbox mind. Not racing thoughts, just chatter. Feeling like I'm on speed. I told my pdoc about all of this in detail yesterday.
> I don't think the Topamax is working with mood stabilization. It's expensive even with insurance and we don't have a lot of money. If the insurance won't pay, I may be forced to stop it. I'm not going to stop antidepressants like wellbutrin and deseryl which I'm on now, but I'm not going on another mood stabilizer that will cause weight gain or, get this, hair loss. Does zonogram(?) do either? Our culture has done a good job.
> Thanks for being a worrywort. I was thinking as I read your prior post how nice you sound.
> rainy
Oh, Rainy... this is not manic according to my good psychiatrist and I cannot remember the term she used for it...
rats... why does my memory fail me at these times...
this is a creative thing ...
and it is one of those things that goes with the so-called creative temperament....so do the darker moods I am afraid...but not the black suicidal things... those we do not want...
when the creative highs reach completion...
then the lows appear...
we achieve the creation of the new group or whatever it is we need to achieve and then we feel this huge emptiness...
and boum! there is a low...
it is what I live with all the time...
when I am on a creative surge I simply go and go and go, then I crash and burn until the next creative thing...
sometimes I am juggling several projects at once and have to hope they do not all reach completion at once or it is really bleak inside me...
there is a name for this...
and I do not remember it... and I am so angry with myself for forgetting it...
angry with me a lot lately...do not allow the really blackness in though...
start something new... it does not have to be as deep and demanding as the other projects...
you are a creative and self-demanding person...
and maybe not bi-polar or manic at all...and maybe redhead after all <G>
when you hit those black patches babblemail me... and we can talk as soon as my computer and I are speaking with each other... we keep getting power failures lately for some reason...
none of this suicide stuff...
you have too much to do yet and too much to offer...
you are such a special person...
let's channel that creativity and avoid the black holes...
you know where to find me...
you have beem here for me through all this chaos and that is so typical of your personality type... you need to be up and flying...
so soar...
kat
Posted by headachequeen on November 12, 2004, at 16:05:11
In reply to adverse effects, posted by rainy on November 12, 2004, at 6:01:34
> Thanks, Redscarlet. Did you stop Topamax because of seeing your hair in places other than your head? I lost quite a bit of mine on Lamictal.
>
> Very early this morning I looked up Zonegran on a site that I can't remember now, of course. All I could find was the consumer information--I was looking for the physician poop sheet. But what I read was pretty scary. It looks worse than Topamax in terms of cognitive impairment as well as other adverse effects. What kind of side effects have you experienced? How long have you been on it and at what dose? Has it had any effect on your weight or appetite? Was it prescribed as a mood stabilizer? Does it work?
> Please write a paragraph on your experience with Zonegran. Points will be taken off for incorrect usage, spelling and run on sentences.
>
> I also read at that same site that desyrel (trazodone) and wellbutrin should not be taken at the same time. I don't mean by the clock. Anybody know why that is or have any other information? As I recall this was from the USP. I haven't read that in any other place, including the package insert.
>
> Another heads up, something everybody probably already knows, is that Topamax can mess with oral contraceptives, (and maybe with patches and implants too?). It makes them less effective. Just for fun, so do a lot of antibiotics.
>
> rainy
>
Oh dear, memory cells are not working at all, but I remember trazodone... being on it for something... but nothing else... not even when or why...
time please and I shall see what I can remember...
kat
Posted by rainy on November 12, 2004, at 19:12:17
In reply to Re: adverse effects » rainy, posted by headachequeen on November 12, 2004, at 16:05:11
Trazodone is the generic name for desyrel, an antidepressent that's somehow related to serzone. It's very sedating in higher doses and can cause a painful and prolonged erection in men--I was warned about that when I first took it years ago. It also makes you fat but so far so good. It works sometimes--my pdoc put me on it after serzone went off the market three or four months ago and at first it was OK. Now it appears to be fizzling out on me too.
Rats--supper has intervened between beginning this post and now so it must be an incomplete response. Sorry.
rainy
Posted by headachequeen on November 12, 2004, at 19:20:58
In reply to trazadone, posted by rainy on November 12, 2004, at 19:12:17
> Trazodone is the generic name for desyrel, an antidepressent that's somehow related to serzone. It's very sedating in higher doses and can cause a painful and prolonged erection in men--I was warned about that when I first took it years ago. It also makes you fat but so far so good. It works sometimes--my pdoc put me on it after serzone went off the market three or four months ago and at first it was OK. Now it appears to be fizzling out on me too.
>Trazodone is one of the earlier anti-depressants I was put on for the so-called seasonal affective disorder...
I can't remember if it was the first or the second... the first was the most incredible appetite suppresant I know that...
within hours of taking the first capsule I lost all interest in food...
and at that point I did not have a weight problem as in WEIGHT problem... I had an underweight problem and was seeing the hospital nutritionist on a weekly basis as they tried to find a way to get me to gain weight...
I had three children and looked as if I could be the poster child for one of the starvation countries...
as each session started with a weigh-in I used to thank my lucky stars that the layered look was in style and wear seven or eight layers of clothing... but she soon caught on to that...
then they gave me whatever it was to help with SAD... well that really helped with the weight thing!!!
but I think trazodone was the replacement...
and was later replaced when my new doctor... who is leaving next summer sigh...
came on the scene...
kat
Posted by stresser on November 12, 2004, at 20:47:22
In reply to Re: Topamax: weight loss/mild depression » stresser, posted by iris2 on November 12, 2004, at 13:25:28
Thanks everyone for the good word. I hope I'm not "jumping the gun", (my mom always says that phrase) with saying the topamax is going to work. That was just the latest word, and tomorrow is another day, and another mood. You know how teenagers change their minds!!!!
-L
Posted by bridgey1128 on November 12, 2004, at 23:30:48
In reply to Re: adverse effects » rainy, posted by headachequeen on November 12, 2004, at 16:05:11
Kat, it sounds just like bipolar II
Posted by rainy on November 13, 2004, at 6:57:57
In reply to Re: For rainy » rainy, posted by headachequeen on November 12, 2004, at 16:03:08
Agree, Bridgey, as much as I'd like to latch on to Kat's cool asessment. Unfortunately, the black holes can't be avoided--they used to open like pits to the netherworld under my feet as I took my morning walks. Now I never know when I'm going to fall on my face--another image--it just happenes. The triggers aren't consistent. The Topamax probably keeps me from staying there, but I'm falling further and flatter now than I did when I first began to take it a couple of years ago.
The suicidal ideation is just that--ideation, a surprise slap upside the head. Ravens zooming a short cut through my brain. Not to worry about.
The physical anxiety/restlessness/jitters of yesterday were awful and subsided completely when I finally gave in and popped .5 mgs Klonopin. I've been taking it almost daily for about two months, often as a sleep aid. It occured to me earlier in the week that there is the possibility of addiction here and I'd better be careful. So I stopped. Kat, I'll never learn about tapering, even after a dreadful experience going off the same med at a much higher dose a year ago. I guess after 4 mgs daily, I thought .5 inconsequential. So I'm thinking that while the provigil and wellbutrin are probably responsible for some of the ickiness right now, yesterday was compounded by Klonopin withdrawal.
May today be interesting in a good way for all of us.
rainy
Posted by headachequeen on November 13, 2004, at 10:12:15
In reply to Re: Topamax: weight loss/mild depression, posted by stresser on November 12, 2004, at 20:47:22
> Thanks everyone for the good word. I hope I'm not "jumping the gun", (my mom always says that phrase) with saying the topamax is going to work. That was just the latest word, and tomorrow is another day, and another mood. You know how teenagers change their minds!!!!
> -L
>Take every positive step and revel in it...
living with a teenager is not the easiest thing in the world when all is going well, when there are serious problems, we are well-advised to simply rejoice in the good moments... and that is the best advice anyone ever gave me. I pass it on to you.
M is telling you that she thinks things are improving; she is opening up and sharing her feelings... now you want it gift-wrapped? and did you want silver ribbons or blue with that? LOL
enjoy... worry about tomorrow when it gets here...
kat
Posted by headachequeen on November 13, 2004, at 10:22:25
In reply to Re: adverse effects, posted by bridgey1128 on November 12, 2004, at 23:30:48
> Kat, it sounds just like bipolar II
It does, I know, EXCEPT, in bipolar the highs are driven by forces beyond our control... in this thing whose name eludes me, we drive the highs and the lows...
we achieve something for which we have worked and we are over the moon... high on success of our own creation not high because of some chemical imbalance... well, if we celebrate too much there may be a certain 'chemical' imbalance <s>...
there is a definite difference...
and the lows come when suddenly the drive to get there is over and it is done... there is an emptiness to be filled...
often this is why we need to be doing many things at once, an effort to avoid those lows...this is why I work on two or three written projects at the same time I am working with my partner to develop three proposals to pitch and am working on my job-related things... note I say things plural as I always have several work-related projects on the go... I hate that empty bleak feeling when the success high is over...
oh I love the feeling of sheer elation when I succeed...
the absolute rush that comes with taping a solid program or packaging a really good show or succeeding with a client and dog that really didn't seem to have a hope in the world of learning a thing...
the incredible feeling of euphoria that hits when there is a new project that I have steered to completion... one that comes to mind was spear-heading a drive to raise 75,001.00 for a special building drive... at one point we did a radio fund-raiser, and at the end of that one we had raised over 24 thousand, when it was over the various volunteers were leaving and we were clearing up the phone lines and the wire feed to our studios and so on. When I came out into the lobby my co-workers were there and stood up and cheered... the volunteers whose service group was sponsoring the drive applauded, but my peers recognised what I had done... that was simply over the moon time... and the next day I was in bleak house until I figured out what to do next to fill that emptiness...
this is not bipolar II it is me and my need to be creative and to better than the rest at what I do...
and I still cannot think of the name of the drive that the psychiatrist gave it...
she said that she had the same disorder and she fully understood... and that it really was not a problem as long as one did not burn out too quickly and learned to channel one's interests...
kat
Posted by rainy on November 13, 2004, at 10:53:11
In reply to Re: adverse effects » bridgey1128, posted by headachequeen on November 13, 2004, at 10:22:25
Yes, Kat, and what you're describing isn't bipolar I or II--it isn't pathological. What Bridgey and I are talking about is the kind of thing that is driven by forces beyond our control and it's uncomfortable and sort of weird, for me at least. Besides, my durn projects aren't over, they're hanging around my durn neck like dead chickens.
Which reminds me that it's time to go to the grocery store again! I just went yesterday.
rainy
Posted by iris2 on November 13, 2004, at 12:57:27
In reply to bi polar II and klonopin withdrawal, posted by rainy on November 13, 2004, at 6:57:57
I have a prescription for Klonopin to take as needed. I used to take xanax or valium daily and sometimes Klonopin. I think I stoppped because I was concerned about my memory being so bad. I do no think there has been any improvement by discontinueing any of these drugs. I am so anxious all the time that a therapist once pondered if my dx should not be anxiety instead of depression at least part of the time. I am wondering if it might make me feel better to just go ahead and take some Konopin every day on a routine basis? I also have a prescription for perphenazine to take a small dose as needed. I have been considering taking one of these on a routine basis and am not sure which one would do me more good. I tend to take them more on an emergency basis when my mind is racing and the anxiety is so high I want to self injure to get rid of it. It is not clear to me which of these to take regularly. Any suggestion about how to figure this out?
irene
Posted by headachequeen on November 13, 2004, at 13:51:09
In reply to bi polar II and klonopin withdrawal, posted by rainy on November 13, 2004, at 6:57:57
> Agree, Bridgey, as much as I'd like to latch on to Kat's cool asessment. Unfortunately, the black holes can't be avoided--they used to open like pits to the netherworld under my feet as I took my morning walks. Now I never know when I'm going to fall on my face--another image--it just happenes. The triggers aren't consistent. The Topamax probably keeps me from staying there, but I'm falling further and flatter now than I did when I first began to take it a couple of years ago.
> The suicidal ideation is just that--ideation, a surprise slap upside the head. Ravens zooming a short cut through my brain. Not to worry about.
> The physical anxiety/restlessness/jitters of yesterday were awful and subsided completely when I finally gave in and popped .5 mgs Klonopin. I've been taking it almost daily for about two months, often as a sleep aid. It occured to me earlier in the week that there is the possibility of addiction here and I'd better be careful. So I stopped. Kat, I'll never learn about tapering, even after a dreadful experience going off the same med at a much higher dose a year ago. I guess after 4 mgs daily, I thought .5 inconsequential. So I'm thinking that while the provigil and wellbutrin are probably responsible for some of the ickiness right now, yesterday was compounded by Klonopin withdrawal.
> May today be interesting in a good way for all of us.
> rainytapering??? what means this strange word??
you are talking to the person who suddenly decides to quit anti-depressants cold turkey without checking on the potential risks... or even considering the possibility of withdrawal symptoms or dangers...
I just do what comes into my head...
I still think that you are pushed by your many talents to exploit those talents, hence your drive to do the many things you strive to do...
and I know from experience that it can be totally draining and exhausting...
and can lead to depression if one is so inclined...
in my case it leads to odd seizures or manifestations or whatever the buzzword of the day is...
but 'tapering' is not in my vocabulary...
kat
Posted by headachequeen on November 13, 2004, at 14:18:03
In reply to Re: adverse effects » headachequeen, posted by rainy on November 13, 2004, at 10:53:11
> Yes, Kat, and what you're describing isn't bipolar I or II--it isn't pathological. What Bridgey and I are talking about is the kind of thing that is driven by forces beyond our control and it's uncomfortable and sort of weird, for me at least. Besides, my durn projects aren't over, they're hanging around my durn neck like dead chickens.
> Which reminds me that it's time to go to the grocery store again! I just went yesterday.
> rainyNot to be argumentative <s> but it is a condition... and therefore I think 'pathological'. It is not something that I choose to do or over which I can exert control... it is something that controls me and for which there is actually a form of treatment and for which the original psychiatrist wished to treat me ... she also apparently realised that I was in the midst of epileptic statis or whatever it is...
but her boss found my symptoms so interesting he chose to take me on his caseload instead and messed up everything by treating me for depression and deciding I was hypomanic when he could not figure out what else to say...
This is not something I can simply sit down today and decide that I will not do any longer...
it is something that drives me... that I crave and need and I am not doing a good job of explaining... I shall try and do better when I get the sides of brain working in sync...
that should happen in this millenium...Not all the projects end the way I want them to end; not all of them end period... some are ongoing and some become so convoluted and confused that I am unable to cope with anything...
reminds me of the old 'make a black' phrase I used to hear around the Mess when I was little...
it meant make a blunder then, but to me it means that I have really blundered and made a black of my life so to speak...
for instance, I have a proposal I want to pitch to a network.. I know it will fly if I can pull it together... I know it is a great idea... but I cannot concentrate on it, because I have four other ideas on which I am concentrating sort of...Other people would sit down and say to themselves, oh, I have an idea... this would be good... let me work this through... in logical fashion...
outline it... develop it... find the necessary people to work with to take it to the next step and so on... find an executive producer with the necessary experience...
Oh I know all the steps because I have been there and done that... but I cannot settle for just one when there is this other idea demanding that I work on it too... and oh there is the idea about the Canadian culture program... and then there is this radio news idea... and and and...
they are all demanding to be let out and be developed...
and I cannot sort out a logical pattern in which to work on one at a time...
and I have a book on training almost finished... and a potential publisher if I ever get around to finishing it, but it is in there being juggled...
and the children's books on being yourself.. I think they are very important and I like what I am doing and what I see of them when I get to them....
there are all these plates on poles spinning and a few balls juggling in the air and I have to keep running to keep them spinning...
oh and I am to avoid stress and to relax and to do the normal things I would do in a day...
well for me normal is to run around spinning those plates and tossing the balls in the air and throwing the odd orange into the mix...
and I cannot stop...
this is normal for me...
it is not by choice... it is by nature of the beast... and my psychologist is unable to get a handle on it... he just says I should stop.
Just like that... stop...
I am hoping that my reg doctor can refer me to the first shrink and she can actually help me get a grip on this through counselling and without medication because that is out of the question under the present situation ... as they are trying to balance these meds ...
but maybe she could help me learn to control this???
someone has to do it...
because being creative is one thing... but one of these days there is going to be a loud crash and a lot of broken china...
kat
Posted by rainy on November 13, 2004, at 14:21:39
In reply to Re: bi polar II and klonopin withdrawal » rainy, posted by headachequeen on November 13, 2004, at 13:51:09
Well, you're always on about, and probably rightly so, tritrating up slowly so I just assumed you'd advise the same in the other direction. Besides with Klonopin a physical addiction develops and the results of stopping quickly are nasty. I think Lar said they could be life threatening. .5 mgs is a low dose and I'm not having much trouble today (except for being smart mouthed about chickens)so maybe it wasn't the Klon, maybe I took 2 Topamax by mistake. Who knows?
I understand and respect what you're saying about the creative process and the sometimes extreme highs and lows that come with an artistic temperament, but really and truly, this is different.
What, you mean you're impulsive? You just quit stuff cold turkey? Well, me too.
rainy
Posted by headachequeen on November 13, 2004, at 14:55:06
In reply to dead chickens and creativity » headachequeen, posted by rainy on November 13, 2004, at 14:21:39
> Well, you're always on about, and probably rightly so, tritrating up slowly so I just assumed you'd advise the same in the other direction. Besides with Klonopin a physical addiction develops and the results of stopping quickly are nasty. I think Lar said they could be life threatening. .5 mgs is a low dose and I'm not having much trouble today (except for being smart mouthed about chickens)so maybe it wasn't the Klon, maybe I took 2 Topamax by mistake. Who knows?
> I understand and respect what you're saying about the creative process and the sometimes extreme highs and lows that come with an artistic temperament, but really and truly, this is different.
> What, you mean you're impulsive? You just quit stuff cold turkey? Well, me too.
> rainyImpulsive? Moi????
Well, once my doctor found out about it, that is not the term he used... idiot was one of the terms in there...
I honestly did not know that effexor and zyprexa were addictive... no one told me so... and I never asked...
I just decided that I should quit because they seemed to be shutting down my emotional responses and hampering the psychologist's efforts to break through my natural reserves... which he was complaining about...
so I quit...
I know now that I was not the sharpest knife in the drawer to do so...
but it had not occurred to me at the time...
when I was on trazodone, and he was switching me to something else... luvox I think, the switch was made slowly, tapering the trazodone and introducing the luvox ...
then when the new doctor who hates luvox with a passion decided on welbutrin, he tapered off the luvox and introduced the welbutrin as he tapered off the luvox...
same with the welbutrin...even though it causes seizures and could make the ones I had worse, they still took me off it slowly...
but I who am supposed to be reasonably intelligent didn't catch on to the concept...
so I just quit that day...
had been taking both of them twice a day...
and quit...
but I am NOT impulsive, I am just determined...
when I decide that this is what I am going to do, I do it...
and then I was afraid that my doctor would refuse to treat me for non-compliance so I didn't tell him for a couple of months...He had started the effexor to replace the welbutrin with its insulting little happy faces, then that psychiatrist I think is so good, the WOMAN psychiatrist, that is, <GGG> prescribed the zyprexa 10 mg twice a day for the condition I can't remember the name of...
the one that means one cannot control one's urges to do more and more and more...oh I want to know when my memory will return...
I want it all and I want it now...kat
Posted by rainy on November 13, 2004, at 16:07:18
In reply to klonopin versus perphenazine » rainy, posted by iris2 on November 13, 2004, at 12:57:27
Um, Irene, from what I just read, perphenazine is an antipsychotic with weight gain among first line adverse effects, and Klonopin (can't spell it) is an anti-siezure benzodeziaprine with anti anxiety whatevers. Unless you're really concerned about addiction, it seems like Klonopin would be the drug of choice. Pdoc said with some heat that if I took it every day of course I'd get addicted (she didn't say you dumb cluck), but if you're feeling as awful as you describe you need something. Do you have some Klonopin on hand? This sounds like an emergency of sorts.
I'm concerned.
rainy
Posted by iris2 on November 13, 2004, at 18:22:25
In reply to Re:perphenazine vs klonopin, posted by rainy on November 13, 2004, at 16:07:18
Believe me it is always an emergency with me. Actually this is not an emergency but I do not think most people can distinguish with me when things actually are at least not my family. They have committed me to a hospital with lies because they thought it was an emergency when it was not even close to one and other times when I tell them that it is they blow me off. I am not sure if it is how I am comunicating or my fathers sense of control that makes this all happen so often. I think taking the Klonopin regularly is what i will do. I do stil have a little on hand and refills so there is no problem doing this. I would say if you take it a long time and at a reasonable dose it could be physically addicting but I do not think it is addicting at all psychologically.
Thanks,
irene
Posted by kwax on November 13, 2004, at 19:35:55
In reply to Re: Topamax: weight loss/mild depression, posted by RES on June 8, 2002, at 13:34:35
I'm so glad I found this site - the previous postings have been very helpful in my quest for info about taking Topomax. I took it a few years ago when my migraines got really bad a few months after my daughter was born. I had the tingling, I can't remember if I had memory loss or the "dope-a-max" effect (hmm...), but I switched doctors (he was a real asshole) and went on Paxil. Sort of helped. Sort of helped my mood. I also have various eating disorders: have been through bulimia, general bingeing, extremely obessed with my weight etc. I did lose a little weight with the Topomax last time.
I am now about 1 month away from my due date with my second child. My doctor recommended that i take Topomax immediately upon giving birth (I am not planning to breast feed). I am really nervous about it: all the side effects, etc. I don't think I was on it longenough last time to feel anything. How bad are they, for those of you who have taken it? I definitely swing toward depression (never been clinically diagnosed but it runs in the family),and am generally moody (although could be from all the hormones). I'd appreciate any input you all have about the side effects of topomax and how it makes you feel, etc.
Thanks so much.
Posted by merry on November 13, 2004, at 20:40:01
In reply to Re: adverse effects » headachequeen, posted by rainy on November 13, 2004, at 10:53:11
I know what those highs and lows feel like. What kat is talking about I understand, too. But it isn't the same thing. I am a very creative person, too. I always have something going on. I have a small farm to run and kids to take care of. I'm an artist and a musician. I'm a single mom to boot! But when I get the highs, I really have a hard time functioning normally. I can't get much done because I have so much on my mind all at once. My music can't wait so my animals have to go hungry. My mind starts racing and I can't concentrate on my music. Then I get anxious so I have to paint but then dinner doesn't get made. My house won't get cleaned. and on and on it goes until I realize I'm manic and I have to try to stop myself before everything goes to pot. I feel awful. I can't breathe. I can't stop. I can't sleep. So I have to take a something like xanax or klonpine to calm myself and slow myself down. It is an awful feeling. It's not very fun. But the opposite pole is worse. the black pit of despair. That is the hell I don't want to visit. The topomax so far has been keeping me even keel. I have rapid cycling type II, so I can go up and down within days, hours, minutes. It's hard to tell when I will change cycles. It is something that is hard to live with. My daughter suffers from depression and is being treated with meds. She has her own pdoc and therapist. She is 14yrs old. I have to be strong for her.
Today, I feel a little down and weepy. I worked outside all day cleaning all the poopy I negleted to clean last week. My furry and feathered friends are no longer mad at me. Sometimes I panic because when I feel down like this I think that the topomax quit on me.
Is it okay that I am having a glass of wine tonight? I'm not a drinker. I just wanted one glass. I'm exhausted.
merry
Posted by headachequeen on November 13, 2004, at 21:42:32
In reply to Re: adverse effects, posted by merry on November 13, 2004, at 20:40:01
I always have something going on. I have a small farm to run and kids to take care of. I'm an artist and a musician. I'm a single mom to boot! But when I get the highs, I really have a hard time functioning normally. I can't get much done because I have so much on my mind all at once. My music can't wait so my animals have to go hungry. My mind starts racing and I can't concentrate on my music. Then I get anxious so I have to paint but then dinner doesn't get made. My house won't get cleaned.
Now this is close to the reality I live when I am not scared to death that if I don't watch my step I may do something to put myself into status epilepticus again...
oh life can be more challenging than I expected;
should have read the fine print...
where we differ is that while I ignore the housework until there is a need for it... company coming and I have an hour to tidy and vacuum this huge old place...
the dogs must be cared for and groomed and their training and socialisation is a priority over anything else and that includes the people....
that is always top of my list no matter what...however, one thing that I have not made properly clear, when I refer to 'artistic temperament'... there is no such thing ...
what I should be saying and I am so tired of misfiring neurons and crossed wires, is ' the so-called artistic temperament...
when people refer to the artistic temperament in talking about the difficulties in dealing with musicians or artists or actors or writers or whatever,
according to my psych, they are actually refering to this out of control condition that leads to the undone or the overdone and to the anger and tantrums and panics that accompany...so when I get cranky and hard to live with, it is because I cannot do all the things in a day that I think I should be able to do... all the things that my mind things I should be able to do and my body screams there is no time no time...
oh some day I will actually be able to put into words what I think and feel and what I actually mean...
I just hope that day comes when I am still able to remember what it was I was trying to explain...it really is not that simple a thing -- the zyprexa made it simpler I guess, as I no longer tried to keep all thep plates spinning -- I didn't even care if one or two of them were moving a little let alone spinning...
I just floated quietly through life...
and felt like a zombie all the time...
add the effexor and as my husband says, I was the walking dead...
probably never had a thought to worry about...kat
Posted by rainy on November 14, 2004, at 7:34:50
In reply to Re: adverse effects, posted by merry on November 13, 2004, at 20:40:01
About the wine, merry, I think yes it's OK, although more than one glass can be a definate downer. So can everyday drinking one glass, at least in my experience. The little warning on my bottle cautions only that alcohol can intensify the drowsiness topamax may cause. Pdoc knows the extent of my drinking and hasn't thrown a fit or anything. (She forgets stuff between appointments, though, which is sometimes useful and sometimes not.)
Are you on an antidepressant as well as the Topamax? In a way, having all those co-creatures dependent on you is probably to your benefit--you do have to be strong for them. I have the weird value that animals are as important as we humans are. I also know that feeding the cats and cleaning their box and not totaling my husband are often the most difficult tasks of the day.
Writing is coming hard this morning, or slowly. It's Sunday and I don't want to do what I gotta. Another project undertaken in fervor and now there it is, around my neck and not the least bit creative. It requires a smile and a bit of perkiness. Bleagh.rainy
Posted by rainy on November 14, 2004, at 8:06:28
In reply to Re: Topamax: weight loss/mild depression, posted by kwax on November 13, 2004, at 19:35:55
Hi Kwax. I'm not real clear about why your MD wants you to go on this controversial drug. Are you having mood swings? Problems with the eating disorders now? Is your physician an OB-GYN or Pdoc--where is she/he coming from?
When I first went on it a couple of years ago I was meaner than an I don't know what every time I went up .25 mgs even though it was over a period of time. At first I didn't attribute it to the increased dose and then Aha! occured. There was the tingling in face and hands that subsided. It's recurring in my hands now and I've been steady at 300 for six months. (I'm also plenty mean, but that's me.) Cognitive problems and weight loss began at 225. People here will tell you that if you control the rate at which you go up, the side effects will be minimized, but I respect your "nervousness" about taking this med with a baby and a child to care for.
I don't think Topamax is particularily good for depression, but I'm treatment resistant bi polar II. It has helped to keep my 47 year old eating disorder at bay. That's why I want to stay on it.You may have read some of the posts from Friday in response to a woman who wrote in asking about Topamax for weight loss. I guess you've informed yourself about the possible side effects. I think that most of them, including eye and balance problems have come true for most of us. I mean all of us have experienced at least one if not more. Problems with balance for me occured late at 300 mgs. That's not good with a baby or little person to take care of.
Good luck with your decision and the months to come!
rainy
Posted by Heady on November 14, 2004, at 9:17:57
In reply to for Kwax, posted by rainy on November 14, 2004, at 8:06:28
I was just put on 25mg of topamax and will go up 25mg every 7 days until I reach 75mg. I have an obsession with food and eating. My Dr. feels that this drug will help with my obsession and help me lose the 50lbs I need to lose to be healthy. Have any of you heard of this being used for obsessions with food?
Posted by stresser on November 14, 2004, at 9:30:35
In reply to for Kwax, posted by rainy on November 14, 2004, at 8:06:28
Hi everyone, I finally finished reading the posts, (without my daily soda, or coke as I call it)and am wanting to reply to everyone if that's possible. I don't know.
About the klonopin- I have taken .75mg per night for six years because I have restless leg syndrym, and now it's effecting the rest of my body. (yes, I do have my own ailments <GGG>)(gradma's words again) I think...no pun intended, that it's dulling my memory some. I'm almost 43, and I don't think I should be forgetting things like I am. I don't know if I am addicted, because I take it so my husband and I can both sleep, because I will wake myself and him up with my jerking in the bed. I have taken it on occasion, maybe once or twice for anxiety during the day, and keeps me from blowing-up!!I always feel much better when I have a project going on......I pretty much depressed when I don't. I am not bipolar, but much of what some of you are describing seems to be how I function. Maybe all of you are just fine? Maybe not bipolar after all? <G> I'm with you all, I have many things going at the same time, and it drives my husband crazy! I thought it was just me, and he was just lazy. Here I go with the "I" sentences.....sorry....but it seems like it get on a roll and go from one thing to another in a frantic pace. Almost in a panic, like it's gotta get done, NOW, and the world will end if it doesn't. The next week or even the next day, I have a diffent outlook and the panic is over until I get another bur up my ***.....and there we go again. Do any of you follow?
SEE? You are all just fine. -L
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