Posted by headachequeen on November 13, 2004, at 14:18:03
In reply to Re: adverse effects » headachequeen, posted by rainy on November 13, 2004, at 10:53:11
> Yes, Kat, and what you're describing isn't bipolar I or II--it isn't pathological. What Bridgey and I are talking about is the kind of thing that is driven by forces beyond our control and it's uncomfortable and sort of weird, for me at least. Besides, my durn projects aren't over, they're hanging around my durn neck like dead chickens.
> Which reminds me that it's time to go to the grocery store again! I just went yesterday.
> rainyNot to be argumentative <s> but it is a condition... and therefore I think 'pathological'. It is not something that I choose to do or over which I can exert control... it is something that controls me and for which there is actually a form of treatment and for which the original psychiatrist wished to treat me ... she also apparently realised that I was in the midst of epileptic statis or whatever it is...
but her boss found my symptoms so interesting he chose to take me on his caseload instead and messed up everything by treating me for depression and deciding I was hypomanic when he could not figure out what else to say...
This is not something I can simply sit down today and decide that I will not do any longer...
it is something that drives me... that I crave and need and I am not doing a good job of explaining... I shall try and do better when I get the sides of brain working in sync...
that should happen in this millenium...Not all the projects end the way I want them to end; not all of them end period... some are ongoing and some become so convoluted and confused that I am unable to cope with anything...
reminds me of the old 'make a black' phrase I used to hear around the Mess when I was little...
it meant make a blunder then, but to me it means that I have really blundered and made a black of my life so to speak...
for instance, I have a proposal I want to pitch to a network.. I know it will fly if I can pull it together... I know it is a great idea... but I cannot concentrate on it, because I have four other ideas on which I am concentrating sort of...Other people would sit down and say to themselves, oh, I have an idea... this would be good... let me work this through... in logical fashion...
outline it... develop it... find the necessary people to work with to take it to the next step and so on... find an executive producer with the necessary experience...
Oh I know all the steps because I have been there and done that... but I cannot settle for just one when there is this other idea demanding that I work on it too... and oh there is the idea about the Canadian culture program... and then there is this radio news idea... and and and...
they are all demanding to be let out and be developed...
and I cannot sort out a logical pattern in which to work on one at a time...
and I have a book on training almost finished... and a potential publisher if I ever get around to finishing it, but it is in there being juggled...
and the children's books on being yourself.. I think they are very important and I like what I am doing and what I see of them when I get to them....
there are all these plates on poles spinning and a few balls juggling in the air and I have to keep running to keep them spinning...
oh and I am to avoid stress and to relax and to do the normal things I would do in a day...
well for me normal is to run around spinning those plates and tossing the balls in the air and throwing the odd orange into the mix...
and I cannot stop...
this is normal for me...
it is not by choice... it is by nature of the beast... and my psychologist is unable to get a handle on it... he just says I should stop.
Just like that... stop...
I am hoping that my reg doctor can refer me to the first shrink and she can actually help me get a grip on this through counselling and without medication because that is out of the question under the present situation ... as they are trying to balance these meds ...
but maybe she could help me learn to control this???
someone has to do it...
because being creative is one thing... but one of these days there is going to be a loud crash and a lot of broken china...
kat
poster:headachequeen
thread:5053
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20041113/msgs/415475.html