Posted by Susan J on October 23, 2003, at 13:37:39
In reply to Re: People's Motivations » Susan J, posted by noa on October 23, 2003, at 13:23:27
Hi, Noa,
> I urge you not to put your energy into that. >
<<I know that's kind of self-destructive. I obsess about other people's behavior way too much. Like I don't understand why.....oh never mind, I don't think I can post that...
>>>all the things you can do to establish boundaries that will be comfortable enough for you to be able to come to work and do your job without feeling invaded.
<<No, you're right. I'm going to do this, I guess I still just wanted to know what her motivation is.>>But you did not cause her to seize on the vulnerability to invade.
<<I'm becoming unsure of myself here. She said to me, "but you *told* me you were on ***** You *told* me that! As a rationale for what she had done. Like I had sanctioned her knowing all aspects of my internet dating attempts. And in some respect, I guess I did open the door for her to go exploring the site. But telling two guys in my office? Not cool.
>> She does that. It is like having your window open. On a calm day, it feels right. But if the wind gets very powerful and might knock over the vase on the window sill---you close the window.
<<I like that analogy.
> Don't blame yourself. Don't get too involved in analyzing her beyond analyzing what will work to protect your boundaries.
<<I know you're right. I'll try not to. *Try*.:-)
>>PS--I don't know how big a place it is, but is there a human resources dept. in your company? Some kind of ombudsman who can help you with this?
<<There is one. I just don't know how well equiped they are to handle this type of thing....I thought of also going to my boss's boss. Not sure.She did it again. A friend of mine, whom I had told in confidence about my brother's marriage troubles, came in and asked me how my brother was doing. I was as brief and vague as possible. But suitemate said, because of course she heard this conversation, "K's leaving your brother?????"
I told her firmly, L, that's personal information and not something I want to discuss with you at all. I *should* have added that even though she can't help but overhear my conversations, it doesn't give her license to join in.
Thanks again,
Susan
poster:Susan J
thread:271851
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20031020/msgs/272342.html