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Re: Sex again. Sigh. (possible trigger) » pinkeye

Posted by Dinah on March 23, 2005, at 5:49:35

In reply to Re: Sex again. Sigh. » Dinah, posted by pinkeye on March 22, 2005, at 21:47:18

Well, I wasn't fat when this all started. I actually had a very nice body and was proud of it. I only got fat when I had my baby then shortly after went on psych meds. And since I lost 100% of the baby weight in postpartum depression, I'm going to assume this extra fifty pounds is psych med weight. Although I often think I like being fat because it makes me invisible. But does nothing to make me less attractive to my husband as he's always been impressed with full figured women.

As to my father, I don't know. I suppose it's possible. It's also possible that it's caused by my mother's overdisclosure of sexual matters. And given my dissociative abilities, I don't think I can completely rule out the possibility of anything happening, especially before age 4 1/2. Nothing continual or ongoing, but perhaps something. Especially since an incident was well documented when there was some bleeding. At age three, possibly four. Nothing I'll ever remember though.

I don't know that I'll ever know the reason. But I hate to have my husband live with the consequences. It's just so hard to override the instinctual response.

 

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