Posted by Dinah on April 18, 2011, at 2:42:02
In reply to Agony, posted by Annabelle Smith on April 16, 2011, at 12:29:24
I'll just say the same thing I say to my son.
No single decision can ruin or make your life. If it's even possible to blight your life forever, it would require a whole string of bad decisions. People live happy lives going to Boston and they also live happy lives choosing to stay in a "lesser" program due to life concerns. People live happy lives after devoting time to learn healthy ways of coping with a beloved therapist, and they live happy lives after choosing to give up a beloved therapist to pursue other dreams and growth with other therapists.
Every choice we make in life has, built in, the loss of the choice we passed up. Every road we take contains within it not only the loss of the roads not taken, but the loss of where we were. Staying, going, standing still, they all involve loss. No matter what we do, there is a potential for regret.
And that's ok. This is what life is.
As my therapist always says, however much I hate it, it really is impossible to say whether something is good or bad in the long run because we don't have the benefit of hindsight. And sometimes perhaps it's impossible to say because it depends as much on what we do as on outside forces.
Mourning is appropriate. Acknowledge the road not taken as a loss. It is a loss. Just as there would have been a loss in going to Boston.
What may blight your life, at least in the short run, is agonizing and second guessing yourself. If you can reverse the decision, and you wish to, then reverse it. If you can't, then recognize that your future happiness depends not only (or even mainly) on the decisions you've already made, but on the decisions you will make each and every day from here on out.
What decision can you make tomorrow that will lead to a happier and more fulfilling life? How about the day after?
(I thought the program you were staying to attend was pretty good - at least good enough to be a positive alternative to death? Do you think you might be overestimating the pleasantness of death as a choice? If you regret losing the chance of going to Boston, how much more would you lose if you weren't around to go anywhere at all, to love and be loved, or to learn and give and grow?)
poster:Dinah
thread:983016
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20110324/msgs/983134.html