Posted by muffled on September 9, 2006, at 0:56:20
In reply to bye to counsellor ***SI trig, posted by ElaineM on September 8, 2006, at 22:13:46
El,
thank you so much for letting us know how it went.
That must have been a difficult post for you to write.
I'm so sorry it didn't have more better results at this time. But I suspect that a lady T will come your way.
You have been working SO hard. Fighting for survival. Yeah, I think its ok to take a break. I hope you can give your own self a break.
We will not stop speaking to you. Its OK. We post here cuz we got our own 'stuff'. So there's proly lotsa people here than can relate to your feelings.
I dunno what it is that you think will drive us away from you?
I dunno how safe the net is, and whether you should post stuff bout the bad thats eating at you. But it SEEMS ok. Mebbe you could try out some stuff and see if we run away, or its just what your mind has tricked you into thinking. See, if I told you something, ok, WTF, ok, I once robbed a guy at knifepoint cuz I had no money for booze. Do you hate me now? One time I was cussing out a cop in front of our house, my ma came out and belted me one right across the face, I totally deserved it I suppose. Do you think I did? What about the time I encouraged my friend to sell herself to get money for beer? I am a complete piece of sh*t, right? Do you hate me?
So I just saying this so you can see we all got our sh*t.
Nobodys perfect, we just goto push ahead ( and take breaks when we need to),and try and do the best we can.
Eventually as we keep plugging away, we learn to get past our ugly sh*t.
Get rid of all the negative crap we tell ourselves.
I'm just telling you this so you don't feel alone. that I sure as hell am not one who can look down on you.
About the SI. Seriously, don't sweat it. Just try and keep it as minimal as you are able, and if you get carried away, make sure you get treated. Keep your wounds clean and watch for signs of infection.
Try just staring at your wounds and scars and see if that might satisfy you.
Or snap an elastic band on your wrist, hard. It really hurts. Specially if you do it a few times. You even get a red welt. I dunno, might work.
Depends on what it is your getting out of your SI, as to what seems to work best.
Could be your looking to calm yourself, or punish yourself, or bring yourself back if you drifting away, or to prove to yourself that you tough enough, or to let the bad out, or to externally express your internal pain. There's lotsa reasons.
So I hope I haven't gone off on some wrong track.
Or been too long winded.
But I just so admire you, beleive that or not, but I do.
So please take special care, try and be safe as you can, and give yourself a break for a bit.
And again thank you for keeping in touch with us.
We don't mind your posts at all.
For me, it makes me stonger to try and help others.
You are worthy El.
Really.
I wish I could make you hear that.
Muffled
poster:muffled
thread:684345
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060826/msgs/684382.html