Posted by caraher on September 8, 2006, at 23:20:58
In reply to bye to counsellor ***SI trig, posted by ElaineM on September 8, 2006, at 22:13:46
> I went.
We're all proud of you. Thanks so much for trying! (((El)))
> She said she couldn't find appropriate female T's but that she would continue looking and email me if she heard of one in the future.
That's a shame... but remember, she hasn't given up!!! She just hasn't found anyone *yet.* There's still plenty of hope!
> I have to have been over-reacting. It's not as serious as we've decided here posting....It can't be.
(((El))) That's not true at all. If you were over-reacting CC would not have seen you the second time, nor would she have been so careful not to send you to "the wrong therapist."
It sounds like you're trying to talk yourself into believing everything is OK because you're afraid. Denying the situation is unhealthy helps you feel safe. My worry is that you might become like someone who feels no pain. True, chronic pain, as you know, is debilitating. But not being able to feel pain at all is dangerous - we feel pain for a reason! So I'm concerned that you may be shutting off the instincts that can save you in order to feel less afraid.
>Feeling like an untrustworthy @sshole. Sneaky b*tch.
(((El))) Those feelings are LIES! These names your parents called you do not reflect the beautiful person we've come to know here.
> He's the only one who can understand me.
But does he? It seems to me that he often misunderstands you, rather badly at that, in service of his own desire to have you for himself.
> And if you knew all of me, you would hate me too.
We're still waiting to see the parts that could make us hate you. I suspect we'll be waiting for a very, very long time! It's almost inconceivable that any of us would ever hate you. You are very loveable, very kind, very generous...
> I am sorry. I wanted to tell you all good things. I keep drowning you in badness and I'm scared you will stop speaking to me. (and thank you so much for trying with me)Of course, we wanted that too, but we're honored that you share the truth with us. We'd rather hear how our friend actually *is* doing than have you suffer alone!
> I am sorry I can't try anymore. I wanted to do this better for you -- more than for me. Because I don't care about myself. Please don't hate me for staying where I am. I CAN'T do anything else.
((((((El))))))
We understand why it's so hard for you, and nobody condemns you for what you're doing. It's not your fault that you're in this position! We will love you always, whether or not you follow the path we'd like to see you on.
> A whole summer later and I'm too tired.
Yes. And when you're tired it's hard to imagine going on. But if you allow yourself some rest, you might be able to continue your hard work. And you may, if you can persist, find that hard work rewarded.
((((El))))
poster:caraher
thread:684345
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060826/msgs/684359.html