Posted by Tamar on August 10, 2006, at 18:56:04
and then he won’t be able to go away anywhere ever again.
It’s only been two days. That means 19 days until I see him again. Why are they allowed to have vacations? Why can’t they just live in their offices? Is it me? Am I being unreasonable?
Two days ago we talked for almost an hour about sex. He’s the only person in the world that I feel *uncomfortable* talking about sex with. I’d rather talk about sex with my father-in-law, or my mother, than with my therapist. I’d rather go on TV and describe precisely what I was doing last Thursday night than talk to my therapist about general sexual activities.
He was good, though. He was utterly unflustered, even when I had to explain precisely the difficulties that Prozac is causing for me. And I’d decided it was a good time for me to talk about it, because I’m certain he’ll have put it out of his head by now and he won’t have a chance to think about it or remember anything I said.
I want him back. Three weeks without him is too long.
I still want to tell him how attached my 18 year-old is feeling. I don’t know why it’s so important to me. I think I want his permission to love him. I’m too disgusting to be allowed to love people. And yet I do love people, and that’s fine when they don’t mind me loving them. But I’m certain my therapist doesn’t want my love, and I wish it were different. I wish my love for him could be something good. Instead it feels immoral and inappropriate. And if I’m so sure he doesn’t want me to love him, why would I tell him I love him? I know I shouldn’t tell him because he doesn’t want my love. It’s strange how powerful it is: the longing to be allowed to love him.
poster:Tamar
thread:675486
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060808/msgs/675486.html