Posted by Larry Hoover on May 2, 2006, at 12:25:38
First, the good. Recently, I'm sure most of you are aware, I experienced a series of triggers. The subject was triggering itself. Or at least, that's where it began. And in the process, I discovered so much about what happens to me when I am triggered, that I feel as if I am transformed. Upon entering into those earlier discussions, I still did not know just what was wrong with me. After years of therapy, and some major efforts, I still didn't know.
But then, suddenly I saw it. I knew it when I saw it, too.
In discovering that I had an ego state disorder, arising from childhood experience, and falling under the more general rubric of post-traumatic stress disorder, chronic.....in discovery alone, I also discovered healing. Imagine that. The act of catharsis and the eureka itself were one and the same event.
So, I come to you now in gratitude, that all of you here have contributed to my success. Pfinstegg stands out, but I don't mean to select or identify. I am utterly grateful for the insight I have developed. Sometimes, merely sharing an idea, moves the whole thing along.
However, it comes upon the shoulders of others, as well. That is the bad news. There were innocent people, both observing and creating my catharsis, who carried away more than they brought to the conversation. To those individuals, I wish to convey my most sincere apologies. I did not know what I had in me. If I had known, I never would have let it happen. I am so very sorry that I was so overwhelmingly vocal about my experience.
I could not ever have said this before, but I can say it now.....It is possible that I may never again be triggered into dissociation. Before, I could not have said that. But, now I can. {Aside: That is not a challenge, 'kay?}
I've always posted under my real name, because I could not bear the idea that I would ever be thought of as trying to hide from or bury my responsibility for all that I say. I only just discovered that I spoke with multiple voices. Those voices were distinct entities, having their own personality, vocabulary, and even memories. I didn't know what was happening to me, what was coming out of me, but it was mine. I just couldn't ever leave any doubt about that.
I don't know how to apologize to individuals who don't have their babblemails on....but I am sorry I made so many people witnesses to my recovery process. Recovery, it surely was, though. And I am in debt to you all.
Lar
poster:Larry Hoover
thread:639201
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060422/msgs/639201.html