Posted by daisym on December 29, 2004, at 16:36:30
In reply to Daisy Pfinstegg, posted by Aphrodite on December 29, 2004, at 13:34:19
I think I would agree about the safety if he were just a "blank slate" because I would project all of my fears of telling onto him and read into it that way. I sort of do that anyway, even with steady reassurance.
I read an interesting article last night (early this morning?) about how the different age states can develop very different kinds of dependency and the therapist needs to be really careful to be consistent because inconsistency can cause a high degree of insecure attachment. And the insecurity shows up as a push/pull between the age states. Most of the time the younger, less dominate age states attach and then test. But sometimes there is another non-dominate age that can "punish" for feeling dependent. The article did talk a lot about a "good enough" therapist, because no one can be perfectly consistent.
Unfortunately, there was a long section warning the therapist about how taxing trauma clients can be and how aware of their personal boundaries and responses they need to be. It completely fed my fear and I finally talked myself into shutting it off, because I was getting worked up. What struck me most was how the authors tried to differentiate between gratifying a "need" vs. a "wish." They had it down to a need being biologically based and a wish being more of a pyschological issue. Then they turned around and talked about how the need for a secure attachment feels as essential as air sometimes for the client, especially when you are doing deep regressive work so the therapist has to stay flexible. URG! I guess you have to be consistently flexible?!
I think mostly we just have to put the breaks on ourselves and our need to caretake our therapist. This is so much easier said than done. But sometimes when I can forget about that part, we get so much more work done. I might feel worried later, but I don't as much as I use to.
poster:daisym
thread:433059
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20041228/msgs/435398.html