Posted by Lindenblüte on October 1, 2006, at 17:56:15
In reply to Re: babble-chat last night » Lindenblüte, posted by Dr. Bob on October 1, 2006, at 13:09:54
> > 9. i didn't get uncivil on babble-chat last night.
>
> That's good to hear, I'm sorry if I was uncivil myself...
>
> BobDr. Bob, I accept your apology. It means a lot to me. I don't think that particular experiment went so well. I just wanted to hang out, distraction. Well, at some point, I felt like there was no place where I was welcome. I know I was being pretty sensitive, but that's how I am sometimes. I'm only a human being. I can tolerate being ignored, but I cannot tolerate when someone makes me feel bad just for being somewhere where I was trying to escape something worse.
I also find it telling that you signed your apology "Bob". What bothered me most was that I couldn't tell where the Dr. Bob Administrator boundary ended and where the Bob Person/ friend/pdoc/ T/counsellor boundary began. The best of both worlds needs to take that boundary into account. Rather than providing onlyt Admin support, I believe you were also providing babble-buddy support. Maybe even T/counsellor-style support? But I didn't feel welcome to participate in that particular discussion.
It's tempting to want a pdoc/counsellor/T on call 24/7. Particularly those of us who are insecure or unstable (me). Insofar as Bob-person maintains or wishes to maintain a private correspondence with somebody, it should be within the bounds of a clinical relationship, or a friendship. Neither is your role here.
I often feel sorry for you. I bet there are many moments when you wish you could join in the fun and games, or lend a helping hand. But that's not your role here. The moment when you begin to offer advice and support is the moment when you become a person (who also happens to be pdoc/T/counsellor [sorry- don't know your professional activities!]). For me to perceive the slightest rejection from a pdoc/counsellor/T is really hurtful, whereas to perceive rejection from an ordinary babbler or an Administrator is much easier to tolerate.
This may be an issue unique to me, but it's really important. If you wanna be a babble-chatter, go for it. But be prepared for everyone to want you to act as a pdoc/T, rather than just an ordinary babbler. While I would enjoy getting to know Bob better as a person, I'd need a clear boundary about where the Bob-person boundary ends, and where the Dr. Bob-pdoc-counsellor-T boundary begins. So far- unclear. nebullous. disruptive and disturbing.
And I apologize for being disruptive and disturbing. I'm not sure what's expected of me in the land of babble-chat. I'm still trying to figure it out.
and I say hi to nice babblers who kept me out of trouble last night (((((((babble-chatters))))))))
-Li
poster:Lindenblüte
thread:689892
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/esteem/20060921/msgs/690893.html