Posted by llrrrpp on August 21, 2006, at 17:08:47
In reply to Re: Goals for Saturday [update] and Sunday » llrrrpp, posted by Jost on August 21, 2006, at 0:29:51
> I wrote my co-worker an email to that effect.
>
> Unfortunately, she's both more and less than a co-author. I need her a whole lot more than she needs me-- let's put it that way.That's unfortunate for both of you-- her, because she's not responsible enough to get her sh*t together, and YOU, because she's holding you back.
> Unless some form of self-interest on her part coincides with my self-interest in this project-- and my self-interest unf. is much more--or deeper-- than hers-- I'm screwed.Yes, well Ayn Rand is rubbing it in your face right now. So much for altruism, huh?
> Not that I doubt her intentions--if she exactly has them-- but they don't carry her that far. Although I do wonder when people don't bring this up-- after having made representations to the contrary--until they moment they're leaving-- or I bring it up. The ad-hocness of her reasons bothers me. Most people try to make it some obscure necessity, or some compelling out-of-their control force.
>
> Either way, it's so the opposite of the way I am-- that I never quite believe that people are being calculating, or not doing their utmost to meet their commitment. But it is really obvious that they see me as pretty expendable, not in a mean way, just in a zero-sum way, where they're more determined (in a probably very good way) to be one, despite my then being zero, than I have to make it the other way around-- even if it should go the other way, for many reasons.
WHOA there!!! JOST- you are NOT expendable. You can't let this weak minded immature coworker trick you into thinking you're expendable. Perhaps this project is expendable, in her eyes, but YOU, Jost, are much more than this project. Don't talk about my friend Jost like that! You're about to hurt my feelings. And I don't think she sounds like a calculating kind of person, but that doesn't mean that her carelessness is not hurtful. I wouldn't let this unfortunate situation affect your view of who you are in the big scheme of things. After all, you only work with her maybe 3 times a week, right?
> It's no use getting mad. Or, I should say, staying mad. It doesn't work for me. It does boil up every so often, and then I squelch it. It's about me and my work-- and I guess it's hard to feel that it's that important.Well, it's important to you, if not to her. Take pride in the parts that you are responsible for. Try to find the feeling that you got when you started on the project, or when you get a special spark and meet a deadline. Try to look forward to wrapping this collaboration up and starting on something new.
> But I have to get more focussed on doing what I need to do, internally (ie working), and trying to put a little more pressure-- ie some--I mean being honest that I"m not happy, but not as if I'm mad-- that she did say she would do more, and that I expect her to do it. But if she doesn't, well, I'm disappointed. Period. Then move on.> I guess? I'm not good at this sort of thing.
me neither.
> So where are you now?
somewhere in between NYC and the North Pole. I can smell the ocean. Sending you a sea breeze (((Jost))) -ll
poster:llrrrpp
thread:676622
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/esteem/20060725/msgs/678784.html