Posted by mercedes on July 21, 2003, at 0:19:35
In reply to Re: Hey Mercedes...I'd like to know more....Willie, posted by willie on July 20, 2003, at 16:18:11
Hi Willie, I've only had one unexplained bruise and that was about 6 weeks ago. It was on the inside of my leg above the knee and was about the size of an orange. It went away and I never thought any more about it till you mentioned it.
Before I forget, I want to know about your "full blown attacks". Please describe them for me. I wrote about one of my attacks sometime ago, and now it appears that my attack could be something else besides my normal anxiety.
However, my PTSD/anxioty symtoms were...(and this is while I was working, caring for my teen son and caring for my ailing mom)... always being afraid. If I would get startled, my body reacted with such fear, heart pounding, body trembling and I actually would start to cry. You know how kids sneak up behind you and say..Boo! Well this would make my body react like if I had needles coming out my skin, expecially in my back and neck. I had to teach my son and/or freinds not to do that to me.
One of my PTSD symtoms was seeing a person yet it may have been a tree or other object. I had thoughts of ending it, but I had my mom to take care of. I once wrote a letter to my brother asking him to take care of my son until he turned 18 in case anything happened to me. He cld me very concerned and I brushed it off, saying that "we never know, right?", but i was considering suicide. To this day, none of my 3 brother's know that I was raped. I didn't kill myself cause it would have killed my mom. AND, I wouldn't be on this babble board too, huh, right? Just some humor here in the midst of such drama.
I avoided places like underground parking areas cause I was afraid of being startled by someone. Was afraid of taking elevators especially if only one man got in. My fear would be so elevated that I would literally stop breathing and I could hear my heart pound. I had to take an elevator at work to the 17th fl. every day. If I got in with freind/co-workers, I was fine. One time the elevator got stuck. I started feeling like I was suffocating, body shaking, heart pounding and severe feelings of being trapped.
This eventually affected my driving abilities, especially on the freeway. God forbid if heard a car backfire, I would lose it. At times I felt like I was detached from the car, like the car was going by itself and I had no control. There were times I had to pull over and my body, especially my legs would shake uncontrolably or I just couln't make my legs move. After becoming so afraid of driving freeways, I learned how to take side streets to work AND this was a 33 mile commute one-way through LA county into Orange county in CA. It was strange that I could drive city streets okay, but not the freeways, then I learned from my therapist that my fear was of leaving my safe place...HOME. So I was diagnosed with agoraphobia also.
To this day, fireworks...Yiks! Especially the loud ones. This makes me jump out of my skin. Oh, I also cannot open a can of biscuits, you know, the kind that pop. And champaine bottles opening at a wedding, well, I'm under the table. Can't blow up a balloon cause it may pop.
Well continuing on, when I was at work, sometimes I would feel the floor move up and down when I was standing. Again, my therapist said these were anxiety related....to deep breath and just accept them by saying to myself, it's just anxiety, I'll live through it. Another thing, while walking, i would feel like the rug was being pulled out from under my feet, yet the room was wall to wall carpet. If I got very angry or upset, I hyperventalated.
I was afraid of being in a mall, street or going for a walk alone cuz i felt that I was going to feel the ground shaking or wobbly legs or the needles shooting though my body. I was afraid of having an anxiety attack. What it boiled down to was...I WAS AFRAID OF BEING AFRAID.
There were times at the begining that I couldn't sit in my front yard. I actually would get a big kitchen knife and hold it in my lap so that I could sit in my FENCED front yard, imagine that. Whew! Memories! This was 7 years ago and some of the symptoms lasted for about 4 yrs, some I still have and some have gone away. Like I don't hold a knife in my front yard anymore. Really!I had no -zero- seratonine. I couldn't laugh, smile, socialize, my eyes always looked sad, I couldn't feel any feelings.
Effexor, finally made me exist. I'd rather have the side effects than not smile again or laugh. I laughed about you chasing your car. That was funny but i'm glad you didn't get hurt. I couln't laugh year's before and now I do.
I was prescribed xanex then and still take it. Yes, I felt better, like I wouldn't jump 10 feet if I got startled, and my body wouldn't shake as much, but some symtoms still remained, I think cause of the added stress at work. My boss was a b*tch, very degrading and belittled employees. It would eat me up. The employee's would come to me with their questions/problems cuz they didn't want to go to de boss. Results, more anxiety, stress.
As far as going from 37.5 to 75, I think I just felt more sleepy during the day. Not much of a change.
Well, I hope I answered all your questions. It's painful to remember all the symtoms I had, but if anyone else has these, I got through the toughest times and it does get better. Effexor may not be the answer for everyone. I think it has worked for me cause I gave up the drinking. I was not giving other AD's a chance. I have to be honest here, I drank to not feel my pain. But drinkin is also a depressant so I was just killing myself slowly. Whatever drug works for you, try it. Things WILL get better.
Sleep tight,Mercedes
poster:mercedes
thread:13781
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20030718/msgs/243813.html