Posted by Angel Girl on March 19, 2002, at 20:15:31
In reply to Re: How do you deal with the loss of friends???, posted by Shanti on March 19, 2002, at 19:58:53
> good to hear from you angel girl, you can do it.
>
> i'm experiencing some DP right now all those mixed up feelings i get and don't know how to control i also feel sick too.
>
> instead of letting it get a hold of me this time though i think i'm going to dance with it so to speak, (be my partner by me still feeling it somewhat but not to the state i usually get to) instead i am going to keep posting so i can help myself feel better by being able to look at what i'm experiencing on paper so i can understand myself better.
>
> when we talk about friends......i asked my husband for support ; i told him i was beginning to enter my "ugliness" and instead of getting support i felt i got shit on instead. he actually accused me of not being who i presented my self to be when we first met and that as each month passes it just gets worst - straight from the horses' mouth. this hurt me a lot especially while in my place right now.
>
> to me, i look at it as getting better and you must go down to come up and to go even higher so when he says comments like this it hurts like hell. but guess what i am not going anywhere but up and i hope he will stay and assist me along the way if not sadly to say his loss.
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> as he reacts this way to me i wonder what prompts him to be like this - fear, jealousy (in a brain zappy sort of way - because i am getting better and maybe i won't need him ?, anger, etc.
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> well, i can only fix my life and posting this right now has just done that for me!
>
> peace
>
> shanti
>
>
> ps dear friends please say a prayer for me while i try to deal with my DP right now
ShantiI'm so sorry you are going through a rough time right now. Of course you have my prayers. I know exactly what you're going through with your husband. It seems so much more difficult to go through this without the support and understanding that we need. I know his words cut deep and sharp. That's what happened to me last week to. I'm trying to learn from my experience and to mend things with them. So far one of them has agreed to give me another chance. The other one has yet to read my email. It is killing me that she is taking so long to get to it when she knows it's there. It's like torture and I feel that she will not be as forgiving as my other friend is. But I have to learn to accept that so you see, I know how you feel about your husband. I truly believe that depression is one of those things that can not be fully understood by somebody who has not experienced it firsthand themselves or by living with somebody who is. Most people think it is something you can snap out of. I wish you luck with your husband and hope your depressive mood lightens soon. I know how horrible a place it is to be in. You have my <hugs>, my prayers and my well wishes.
BTW, was it you who was talking to me before about books and music???? I tried replying that post but I think I forgot to click on confirm. That is the 2nd time I've done that when I had a long reply. Very frustrating. :( Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that I'm not much of a reader although my brother who suffered from depression last year and attempted suicide leant me a book that I have yet to open. It's called "The Feeling Good Handbook". By coincidence, a very close friend who has offered me the world of support has suggested that book so I think I will dust it off and start reading it this week. Also, I too have been listening to Sarah McLachlan's "Surfacing" CD ALOT!!!! Do you have any other of her CDs??? I only have the one but was contemplating getting another but wasn't sure which one. Do you have one you would recommend or even another artist???
Again, you have my prayers always. I wish you luck with your husband and a short period in the depression.
Angel Girl
poster:Angel Girl
thread:13781
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20020318/msgs/98889.html