Posted by alexandra_k on June 30, 2015, at 22:30:12
In reply to Re: 1 down, 3 to go, posted by alexandra_k on June 25, 2015, at 23:30:52
That's the thing, really. I can have empathy from a sufficiently removed place but I lose my capacity to be empathetic when I'm not in a sufficiently removed place.
I found this ex-pat website... A lot of comments that help me put things in perspective...
Nearly half the teachers in the region I grew up have convictions. Drunk driving (of course) but also surprisingly high rates of violence. Their defence is that a number of their students have done worse. Looking at the rates of sexual activity in 9-14 year old girls. The numbers of abortions carried out on these children each year. The rates of infant death due to abuse. Most primary school teachers say they feel unable to teach math. Cases of people attempting to bring charges against gangs youths who violently gang rape (with knives and broken bottles), to teachers who have history of sexually abusing their students, to university students who drunkenly abuse each other and police, and these cases are all smoothed over and no convictions are given or only a mild tap on the wrist. 'Boys will be boys'. Because it is all an accepted part of our culture.
And yet we say that this is a wonderful country for people to raise their kids. We say 'we have a family-friendly laid back lifestyle' (high achievers will be relentlessly persecuted and gang connections are for life).
I remember there were two stabbings at my High School over the period of about a year. That was a couple years after there was a sequence of three at a neighbouring one. I remember I was part of a group who spent the better part of three years going back to one of the girls houses to drunkenly party every lunch time. I ended up in hospital three times for having drunk too much. Collapsed at school. I most certainly wasn't the only one. And then having a sexual relationship with one of my teachers... Who ended up having to leave that school once it became public. She had to commute out further away, but ended up with a new job with a promotion. She got made head of department.
And all of this was normal...
But I really did just want to curl up and die for much of my life. And I did always feel like there was something very deeply wrong with me. That there was something different. That I didn't fit.
Most people get into the spirit of the dramatics. The appeal of the 'he drunkenly abused that bloke who called me a ho - aaaaaaaw he must really love me' and 'he drunkenly abused me for being molested by his best friend - aaaaaw he loves me' dynamic. Thrive on the drama, somehow. Why do I say that? Because the majority won't leave despite opportunity. Only... That's not quite fair... I don't know how many get the opportunity to go.
When I was doing psychology however many years ago I got to be friends with this adult student who had a non-profit working with street-kids. Basically, they needed to be in school until 16, by law, but they'd been expelled from all their local schools for their glue sniffing, molesting, fighting etc etc... So he put in a paper-work heavy proposal to educate them. Ages 9-15. He represented this country at kick-boxing at some point. A huge guy (very tall and very big boned and also very heavy). Long dreadlocks. Street cred kinda guy. Anyway... He had this one girl who was very sweet... She stood out as not having a chance, really. He (and his wife) basically took her in and offered her a proper fresh start. A proper one. For reals. She repeatedly ran away back to the drunken garage party that was her life up north (until social services did some kind of a raid and took her 9 year old self out of there). Anyway...
Anyway...
Point was that there are people who don't want to leave. Who don't know any different and who have somehow swallowed the whole 'we don't know how lucky we are' propaganda and our 'clean green' propaganda ( with our heavy reliance on agricultural exports and all the dirty pollution alongside). There is some new performance indicator b*llsh*t that we somehow manage to top for some kind of social progressiveness...
People get ahead because they see an opportunity and they take it. I think that often that opportunity is fairly clearly something about exploiting something or someone. The sort of thing that people with a moral compass would think is perhaps not very moral. And then you find out that really there are no laws preventing your doing it. And so... If you make a move surreptitiously and keep your mouth shut (to protect your interests) then you can 'get ahead'. And I see very clearly why people think that there is a hierarchy. Because it is about power relations. About having more than others. I never saw the world that way. I'm not used to thinking of finite resources and infinite desires. I'm used to thinking of things like 'achieving your potential' where that doesn't involve your screwing over anybody else and the world can only be a better place if more people do that... Things like... This country would be better for everyone if everyone lived in a world health organisation approved 'healthy home' instead of the mouldy and leaky damp wooden huts that most people are stuck with.
I've been dealing a bit with ACC... I'm trying to get the metal removed from my legs / my feet. I can feel that my range of motion is limited by the metal and I'm keen to get it removed and see about recovering the range of motion as much as possible. I've had good success at fixing my hips that used to be creaky and clicky and sort of arthritic. By gentle exercise / movement over a period of years. I'm hoping that my feet might similarly improve. Anyway... The dynamics of trying to get this done...
Need to keep track of everything. Every time you speak with someone keep track of who you spoke to and what was said. Their job is to post-pone things as much as possible in the hopes that you give up and go away and thereby money is saved. So they do sneaky little things. They'll claim that the computer somehow mysteriously altered your address so you didn't get that letter they sent. Or they will deny a claim and nobody will let you know that it was denied so that you can get back to them because there is no grounds for their having denied it.
The thing is to realise that that is just the process. That is their job. They get performance bonuses for being the person in their office who authorised the least things, or whatever. It isn't personal. You just have to be persistent and keep a record and be clear and take 30 minutes once a week or whatever to chase things up and keep things moving along. Because that's the way it is done. You can't trust that anything will happen if you don't do that. Because it won't. And this whole thing pisses me off. That the world is like this. That people who are too sick to chase things up... Those are the people who suffer the most from the way things are.
There was this WHO thing... A surprisingly tiny amount of the health system is actually devoted to health outcomes / clinical competence. A surpringly lot is devoted to things like 'service quality' where an appropriate indicator is 'they did everything for me'. So... If you can convince a person that you did everything you could for them... That is what it is about. If you can convince a person that you went out of your way to help them. In getting them an appointment (only just) within a sort of 'acceptable' (in some sense) time frame you really went out of your way for them, you totally went above and beyond, you shuffled other things back and you worked over hours and... You get the idea. Having a wonderful receptionist really is the keystone to any successful practice.
Only...
It is dishonest. I think.
I don't know that I have the ability to negotiate 'mutually beneficial collaborative partnerships' with others. Because I have a 'different' moral compass... I don't like it when people tell me fibs about how they are going out of their way for me - when they are just doing their job - and when they are most likely colluding on the whole delay delay delay thing in order to achieve THEIR bonus. I think it is lying. It is dishonest.
Most people don't care, I think. They want to feel special. Like an exception is being made for them. Like they are in one something. The people who are able to make people feel like that... That's the most valuable skill of all, really, isn't it. The one that is most financially renumberable. You can do anything... Politics... Business... Anything. Hells, you can get other people to throw money your way so long as when they are around you they get to feel special. That is basically your job. There is a tone to it... And an edge. There is an edge that has to go with... A vague threat of 'you want me on your team because I'm capable of being mean to my enemies' and then very clear signals of how they really like you and really want to help you and really want to be on your team...
There is money to be made from 'education'. From universities. We don't have jobs here. Not entirely sure why or how, but there it is. Something about how we don't have the usual sorts of employment laws that other countries have... Then we have a bunch of migrants who are less complain-y... I have a friend who used to work hospitality in Australia (not much of a tipping culture, so not a great job, but okay-ish). When she was here places were very reluctant to hire her... She ended up applying for much more junior positions than she was capable of... Eventually... She'd get a phone call and they would offer her one night of work as a trial to see what she could do. Unpaid. Because (actually) a worker had rung in sick. Nothing came of it. They were basically calling people off the roster list for the free labor.
And if this isn't explicitly unlawful... Then why wouldn't you? If you don't do this and the next business does then they will get further ahead than you because they have seen an opportunity (and taken advantage of it) to be more efficient / to keep costs down. Of course it is probably wise to be quiet about this so that nobody takes steps to prevent you. But this is how we get ahead...
And I'm not capable of doing things like that. I don't have it in me. I would feel wracked with guilt.
What will become of me? I don't know...
Back to the universities... You want the students to believe that the teachers 'did everything for them'. The course evaluations... If students are happier or just as happy if teachers show them youtube videos or walk them through their textbook then minimum wage lecturer showing youtube videos it is. If students evaluations don't reveal they can tell the difference between people who actually know / are passionate about their subject and people who are basically employed to babysit them and have them believe that everything was done for them then why the hell wouldn't you take up the opportunity to really work that latter line?
People didn't think that it was fair that some people got x and they didn't. So... If you can make money off them thinking they now have x (even though they don't) then... Well... That's good business sense.
I really don't think I'm going to get to do med. It is not for me. I can't cope with the people who have been employed to waste our time to persuade us that they are doing everything they can to help us (screw us over). The whole equity thing is basically about appointing a PR person to go hui (talk / meet with and talk) with people all day... So they feel that everything is being done for them... I'm not really capable of that. And I haven't had the parental investment to have a protective herd of people who are looked out for by powerful / litigious parents. This is why some of the people have this... Fear in their eyes... When it comes to some students. And why they laugh in my face 'what makes YOU think YOU can do this' or adopt the alternative strategy of 'of course dear, we are doing EVERYTHING we can to help YOU'.
The fear of strangers / foreigners thing is about fear of whether people will slot into playing the appropriate game and be happy with the financial / perceived status incentives they get for playing the appropriate game. Like my aussie friend... She had the skills (and experience) of being senior in a hospitality role -- but what they really needed to know about her in order to employ her at all was whether she would slot into playing the phone the people on the job list to get free unpaid workers strategy... Because without that... Even if she was the very best waitress in the world... The very best at organising other people to do their jobs 'most efficiently' (in what sense?)... Without her willingness / ability to do their job as they set it to her either in stupid ignorance of what was going on or her agreeing to play the game in full knowledge... Without her willingness to do that... She was precisely worthless to them. Inefficient, indeed.
And that... Is the way things are done here.
And probably... Everywhere.
What will become of me?
poster:alexandra_k
thread:1076978
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20150604/msgs/1080126.html