Posted by alexandra_k on December 31, 2013, at 2:58:01
In reply to Re: i-phone s, posted by alexandra_k on December 31, 2013, at 2:45:56
because when i had more money it didn't feel like such an issue. and i would peseverate, rather. i had this ideal in mind, you see. of jeans. of a black high neck top. of whatever... and shopping would be about matching to that ideal... and it turns out my tastes aren't cheap... and it turns out that even given that meeting the ideal is rather harder...
i mean... things just do cost more in this part of the woods. given shipping to this part of the world... cheap crap (by US standards) comes at a brand premium price in this part of the woods... and the local organic etc etc crap isn't cheap either given the prices they fetch on international market...
point being... i often go through 3 or 4 or 5 or 6 or whatever purchases in the attempt to get what i have in mind. so i end up with multiple pairs of jeans etc... because... you never know what you like because they wear differently... and you need to see how they wear... and then favorites get worn out more quickly than non-favorites etc. and... well... i'm still riding on... what was non-favorites of... years ago... more than 11 years ago in some instances... the ones that aren't worn out yet...
how did i get myself in such a state?
lack of funds... time flies... time flies with lack of funds...
i always was fussy / picky about what things were comfortable for me... but i don't even have the money to make a number of purchases to... sort that out. to get that right. last thing i have to go on in that respect is gym gear... still got the crucial (for me) things in mind. not see through when properly squatting (a huge f*ck*ng ask for women's gym gear, as it turns out). impossible, in fact. which is why the compression underlayer is all important. uh. for women who actually are going to work at the gym and who aren't just there to be seen (perhaps delighting in see through gym gear) for sure.
am i really the only person in the world who feels such things?
and so... over the years... i have gotten far more self conscious for sure. because i don't have clothes i feel comfortable in. clothes that... feel like myself. so i can relax and be myself. and... i have felt like that at various points in the past... and i'm fairly sure i could come to feel that way again... but that takes a number of purchases, really... to properly feel things out... to get to know ones body... a sort of organic enterprise with inner layers and outer layers and... whatever.
i just feel like an ugly freak these days. and still... spending a thousand bucks on an i-phone seems preferable.
poster:alexandra_k
thread:1057237
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20131211/msgs/1057278.html