Posted by Quintal on August 5, 2008, at 13:58:20
In reply to Re: Being a sperm donor, posted by chicklet on August 4, 2008, at 17:37:41
>Hmmm, Quintal. That's a lot to think about, and I lot of pressure on you! I guess I would wonder how close of a friend she is.
I think that's the thing. She's known me since I was born, my mother thought she was going to be childless before I was born and sort of played 'second mother' to her. We were almost next door neighbours for all of our childhood, only two doors apart. I'd say we were pretty much sister and brother. We've gone very different directions in how we live our lives though, and that might be the crux of it - she wouldn't really welcome my influence.
>Do you live in close proximity?
She lives in the city about 30 miles away. I live in the country, so we are quite far apart, but not too far to make weekend trips. I suppose it's just the kind of distance that she wants, but just a little too far apart for me.
>I don't know if you have any other kids from a prior relationship, but from what i hear, so much changes once you actually *meet* "your" baby. Your feelings might change- you might want to see them more...it could be messy.
That's the other thing. I'm gay, so this would be the only way for me to have natural children, barring something even more weird than this arrangement. She did volunteer of doing it as a selfless act so that I could become a father anyway. Yes, I think it could easily get very messy, even more so for the children than us.
>Unless there is a *real* plan for how the baby would be brought up, I'd be scared to do it.
We talked of this as being more of a long-term plan, like when she's 35. She did say she would like one now, but I don't think I'd agree to that. So we have time to talk. She isn't normally one for rushing into things though.
>Well I guess it means she'd like the baby to have your awesome genes which is nice!
As Phillipa hinted, I have had a lot of mental health problems and they do run in both our families. I'd say if these conditions really are genetic then the odds of one of them being born with bipolar, autism or some kind of mental retardation are fairly high. I've already considered what I'd do if that happened and I wouldn't walk away from one of my children if they had a disability of some kind. I don't know whether she's considered what she would about this though, or what she'd expect of me. Probably more than if it turned out healthy I suspect.
>How close are the two of you?
That's hard to answer. We've grown apart so that we're almost completely opposite people. We still have that childhood connection though, so we can both see the people we used to be.
>Not close enough that you'd ever actually have sex?
I think it might feel almost incestuous even if I were straight. I can't really imagine dong it, but I think she secretly hopes I'm not really gay and will 'do the deed' in person.
>Does that test sperm count and all that? You'd get a better idea to get it done in a lab. Yeah, talk to my husband about how embarrassing that is! :O
It sounds fairly reliable, but you never know. http://www.accessdiagnostics.co.uk/acatalog/MALE_FERTILITY_TESTS.html
>Why do you think that? You don't have to answer...
It just seems too lumpy, like bits of egg white in a clear fluid. It seems to turn runny too quiclky. Maybe I just haven't seen enough of other men's sperm to know if it's normal?
>Do you think she trusts you??
No, it doesn't sound like it. I think I understand her concerns about having a baby taken away from her, but I don't think she understands how unrealistic this is.
Thanks for your input, it's much appreciated.
Q
poster:Quintal
thread:844133
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20080721/msgs/844341.html