Posted by ElaineM on August 4, 2006, at 14:32:30
In reply to Re: I have serious problems... » cloudydaze, posted by AuntieMel on August 4, 2006, at 8:12:20
Cloudy,
I hope you are alright. It makes me so terribly sad to see what kind of state-of-mind you were in last night. When I hear people in such pain, I never know what to say, though I desperately wish I had the magic words to make a difference. It is against our biological instinct to take our own lives, but I've been there myself twice too, so I know what unbareable feelings have to be present to announce, or act upon, such a desire. I want to be able to give you safe hugs right now.
I can understand how distressing the care-taking situation can be -- especially when it's forced on you -- especially when you feel that you're not even strong enough to support your self. I took care of my grandfather while he died, and it was one of the most excrutiatingly difficult and traumatic things I've gone through. It can bring up alot of conflicting emotions. But it's a natural reaction for a caretaker to move through feelings of resentment, or dislike/hate, or despair. Know that it doesn't mean that you are a bad person, selfish, or unloving, for not wanting to do it. It is an extrordinary thing to ask of another person. I think that it can generate such a variety of strong reactions because there is always love underneath, that the other feelings are standing on top of. (even when you can't recognize it)
Whatever you choose to do, try and keep it seperate from what you think of yourself as a person, or what you think of your grandmother.
I hope you post that you are alright. I would hate to hear that you hurt yourself. And your daughter would always be better off with you, than without.
I'm worried about you.
ELaine
poster:ElaineM
thread:673394
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20060728/msgs/673680.html