Posted by Dinah on May 11, 2006, at 13:22:33
In reply to Re: I hear it's pretty hard to get into a hospital » zazenduck, posted by Dinah on May 11, 2006, at 13:09:49
The latest Klonopin kicked in and gave some relief, though I might have to call my husband to pick up my son.
I think I might be having "quiet" anxiety attacks if that makes sense. No obvious sweating or breathing difficulties.
The phone calls started ratcheting upward in intensity. I finally had to say that I needed the person I was talking to to talk slowly and quietly because I was having trouble thinking under stress.
I wish I could just tell them I can't do it, or that I can't do it on the timeline they want (which may not have been outrageous if it had been presented months ago, but at this point it is). But I think it's been ingrained too deeply within me to please, especially at work. It probably ties into Daddy and wanting not to let him down.
If I can stay awake, I'll concentrate on the smallest part of my work and hope that the phone calls stop.
I think I'm safely sedated for right now. And I mentioned to my husband that my therapist made me promise to give him my pills, so he'll make sure I follow through on that.
You know, it's really stupid that it's easier for me to do something self destructive than it is to admit that I'm overwhelmed and past my abilities to cope. I've got some warped priorities there.
I think I can, and will, start handing off the work the company and I have decided I won't do anymore. I've been holding off in case I change my mind, but I really just can't keep it up. It's funny. I perceive myself as being such a bad employee that everyone should be delighted that I'm handing off work. And I've gotten some feedback to that effect. Yet no one wants me to give up *their* work. Odd.
poster:Dinah
thread:642554
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20060503/msgs/642641.html