Posted by Susan47 on January 11, 2006, at 13:58:00
In reply to Re: repeating old patterns? need advice! » JenStar, posted by crazy teresa on January 10, 2006, at 1:50:39
> "Changes That Heal" would be fantastic for helping you figure out what to do.
>
I'm ordering it from the library, that sounds like a good one. Sounds like the steps I've taken in the last couple of years ... amazing.
> Break it down (Hammertime...)
>
> By not respecting your boundries, she is giving you this uncomfortable feeling, so realistically, she's not worried about your feelings...
>
Yeah, she's definitely "using" Jenstar.
> And isn't the way she is disrupting your life (and your family's lives if they see you upset about this) more important than your worrying about how she might or might not get her feelings hurt?
>
It's probably equally as important, actually, from Jenstar's point of view, because if she hurts this girl's feelings and she sounds pretty malicious actually if she's doing this immoral thing that Jenstar disagrees with. I mean, she doesn't exactly sound like a person you'd want to trigger into anger, not if you think she'd actually do something to hurt you. The harassing Jenstar at home is already pretty hurtful. And the drive-bys? Well that's really clearly showing illness of the mental sort. Unless there were other reasons this girl has to drive by, I mean could it be legitimately her route to/from somewhere?
> Could you say something like, "You know, when I see on the caller ID you've called my house repeatedly without leaving messages, and I see you driving by frequently, I'm very uncomfortable." or "I'm not judging you, but I really can't agree with what you're doing in this lawsuit, so I just don't think I'm the best person to be your friend."
>
She'd probably get angry with both those statements, I don't know if I'd trigger her to that.. I can't see myself being able to say either of those things.
> Or you could take the not-so-honest-approach and tell her you'll be testifying against her in the lawsuit... That would probably kill the friendship thing pretty quickly.
>
Yeah, and make Jenstar tell a pretty big lie, especially if she ends up not doing that. I don't know, maybe a smaller lie would be better.
> Since it sounds like she's nearly stalking you, that might not be good, though.
>
> That's a really hard position to be in.
Thanks for letting me hammer away, too ...
poster:Susan47
thread:597349
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20060108/msgs/597960.html