Posted by Indie on July 21, 2004, at 9:51:36
In reply to Re: I am sad.... » Indie, posted by partlycloudy on July 21, 2004, at 9:15:34
That is hardly the sign of looserdom. I think that it would be extremely difficult to walk out of an 18 year marriage. I think that that takes a great deal of strength! I know, I AM a lucky person. I am glad that I didn't marry when I was too young, that I fully lived my youth...but I think that it is a little riduculous that I am 31 and have never been in a relationship for longer than 2 years. The number of people that I have dated is a testimate to the fact that I am unfit for love. I always end up taking my mood swings out on anybody that I am involved with. Every relationship that I have had has ended up in my running away or getting dumped...I also think that most men would think me unfit for marriage just because of the number of men that I have slept with...Manic swings into unsafe sexual behavior. Yup, that's me. (Not to say that I haven't enjoyed my sex life fully :-)
Anyway, thank you so much for the support. I think that sometimes just grasp at reasons for why I feel so awful. I feel awful because I am depressed. I feel awful because I failed at school. I continue to feel awful because I can't seem to get off my butt and finish school work, keep in touch with friends, get a job, do anything to have fun....etc.etc. I think that I am just stuck in this black hole forever. Right now I just hate myself, I hate my life and I hate the world for giving me this stupid illness and taking the best father in the world away from me. I think that sometimes I just feel like if somebody else loved me I could love myself again...but I know that that is not true.
Sigh. Sorry for whining so much. I just can't seem to keep any momentum going for longer than two days and then I just end up back here crying, ruminating and too exhausted to do anything at all...
> Yeah, I keep telling people that I'm a loser but that is real proof!! Having said that, I starting dating late, got married early, divorced after 18 years, dated a little bit (enough to know I hated it) then remarried 2 years later. So I haven't really known many people to be on good terms with. My ex is definitely someone I would ever speak to again.
>
> So again - I think you're a lucky person!
poster:Indie
thread:368236
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040717/msgs/368554.html