Posted by tabitha on April 29, 2004, at 0:05:23
and I think I will. I had a heavy therapy session last night, all my father abandonment issues were kicked up, I'd been crying, still felt bad this morning, didn't feel like going to work but I went, puffy eyes and all.
It was an OK work day, then people went out to dinner. It was all guys except me, and I really was making an effort to be sociable, keeping up my end of the conversation, but I kept feeling like nobody wanted to connect with me, like I wasn't really all that welcome. So here I did this 'social' thing and came away feeling more isolated, and since they're all male, maybe it's triggering even more of the father stuff, I don't know. I'm about equally mad at them (and dad) for not wanting me, and at some level telling myself it's my fault, there's something wrong with me that nobody wants to be close to me.
I just feel like I'm at my wit's end as far as the social isolation. I don't know when it's ever going to change, and I just feel like I can't take any more. It's just grinding me down. I haven't felt this hopeless in a long time.
poster:tabitha
thread:341175
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040422/msgs/341175.html