Posted by SandyWeb on April 21, 2004, at 7:27:51
In reply to Re: Sandy » SandyWeb, posted by jlynne on April 21, 2004, at 1:50:30
Hi jlynne,
Jeepers, it seems that I just went to bed and then had to get back up again. I think I'm going to be dragging my bum today! Lol!
It was just so odd for those 2 cops to show up last night, basically only a few minutes after I sent that message to you. Talk about timing!!! But you know what? I wouldn't invite them in. I told them that the last time I did that, they ended up taking me away! Ha! So we talked at my door for about 45 minutes. I know, I'm such a rude hostess!!! Hee hee!
I'm not really sure why they showed up when they did. They are off for the next four days, and they said that they just wanted to check in with me to see how I was doing. But the timing was uncanny. Hey, maybe they really are my two angels. *wink* Too bad they're married angels, though. Ha!
The only bad thing about the visit is that they had phoned my sister prior to coming over. They wanted to know if she would be willing to look after the kids again IF they needed to take me to the hospital. What?? So I'm sure I'm going to begin getting countless emails and phone calls from her again. Ugh. I'm not ready to rebuild our relationship yet, and this little incident certainly doesn't help any. Oh well.....one day it will be a distant memory, and we can go back to being sisters again.
I think you're correct about the "up and down" thing. I do have a few minutes, from time to time, when there appears to be some hope. It's refreshing. There is definately more "down" than "up", BUT.....baby steps is all it takes, right? Don't act impulsively, don't listen to "plans" in my head, try to focus on ANYTHING positive rather than all the negatives. I don't need to have the answers yet.....just the right mind-set. Difficult. But I guess I'm doing it. The soul has such a will to survive, doesn't it?
Anyways, the two guys said that they'd be coming back to see me when they return to work. They work 4 on and then 4 off. I just hope they don't come at 1am again. And I'm nervous to say too much. One reason is that I don't want them to think that I should go back to the hospital, which they KNOW I don't want to do. And the second reason is that I don't want to involve them in my life too much. I've already told them certain things that allows them to see a little bit of who I am/what shaped me. But if something DOES happen with me, that can be rather distressing to them because they'll know me. I don't think that's fair of me to do. But one of the guys said that he wants me to be open with them.....it helps them to know me better and understand where I'm coming from. But I just think it's rather dangerous territory for them. I still don't know what will become of me, and I really don't want to cause any type of difficulties for these two wonderful men. "Distance" is probably best.
You know what? I think I'm going to try and read a book. Maybe my focus is a little better now.
Enjoy your day!
Sandy
poster:SandyWeb
thread:327575
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040414/msgs/338329.html