Posted by Tabitha on September 2, 2003, at 1:56:38
Here I am, a big muddle of uncomfortable feelings. I can't make much sense of it. I almost wish I had some dramatic tragedy to talk about, so folks would rush to my aid. I feel a little depressed and adrift. I don't feel connected to my therapist lately and I don't understand that. I'm still longing for my ex-boyfriend, even though I know it's an illusion that I'd find anything but temporary comfort there. None of the home repair work has started, and my various reorganization projects are strewn about unfinished. I have so much yarn. A whole boxful of swatches I knit for various unfinished projects. It's depressing to remember all the projects I started and never finished. It makes me afraid I'll never finish all the projects I'm starting now.
I don't know if the loneliness is telling me to find companionship, or to look deeper at myself. I don't want to come across as needy to others. My ex-boyfriend's neediness was so repulsive to me, now I'm afraid to ever act moody and demanding.
My therapist has an opening in one of her groups, and I'm torn between starting or not. It's a six month commitment. Meaning you can't drop out even if you hate it-- you're actually on the hook to pay for 6 months of sessions if you drop out.
I keep doing web searches on loneliness, attachment, neediness, trying to find some answer.
Then there's the ever-present thought--- maybe I just need to up my meds.
poster:Tabitha
thread:256268
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030829/msgs/256268.html