Posted by maryhelen on May 5, 2003, at 13:24:53
In reply to Re: lostsailor's wedding dilemma, posted by lostsailor on May 5, 2003, at 9:56:00
Tony:
In all seriousness ignoring my other post...
I read threads on these boards more than I post. I usually find many answers through doing so, but lately I have written a few.
Depending on which med I am on at the time, it allows me to either sort through the humour and the wit and to try and figure out what comes through as being a truly serious statement about the truth or simply humour and wit wrapped around the truth trying to avoid it.
In your last post you said you were so scared of ending up in a hospital there, followed by, San Fransico is the city of angels and you see yourself in a tight, white jacket instead of a tux. I'm on new meds. Are you really serious about ending up the hospital.
Going to this wedding is a major issue for you. I have not been able to attend many social functions in my family for 15 years. Weddings, funerals, family picnics, birthdays, etc, etc.. I have a large family of 9 brothers and sisters and 54 cousins who try to remain close. When I first started to not be able to attend I had all the feelings of guilt, yes shame for my illness, but more so the absolute inability to get it together enough to go. Against great resistance, and no understanding, from my mother, I stuck to my guns. Really the choice wasn't mine, the illness made the choice. I know my mom likes to keep up appearances and what ever would she say about reasons for her daughter's abscences. What would others think. I usually try to be their for Christmas and Mother's Day, but that is always with a few percocetts under my belt.
I never thought I could stop worrying about what other people thought of me but basically I have.. I need to do what is best for me. The funny part is no wedding was cancelled, funerals went on without me, birthdays, family reunions all went on I was probably forgotten in a moment.
We have to do what is best for ourselves. If others don't understand that is their problem, not ours. By the way, you mentioned in an earlier thread along the lines that if you met up with people you knew from before would they think you had changed and know you are different. You might be surprised, even if others appear 'normal' that they are going through their own hell and existence. I often hear about friends from my past from my sister and they are suffering with depression, similar illnessess, drug addiction, horrible marriages with abuse..... None of us are immune.
You can share the memories of your friend and his new wife after they are married.
If your friend knows the stress he is putting you under by inviting you and pressuring you, then he is not giving you the respect he should. (I am going to invite to to my wedding but I know what you are going through. If you can't make it I will completely understand and do not want to put undo pressure on yourself). Might be one way of putting it if he is your best friend.
You have to think about what is best for you, not him.
Can you imagine, if you decide to go, the stress you are going to be under as the wedding gets nearer and you are closer to getting on that plane. You may be in a white jacket where you live and not in one where you are going.
Take care,
maryhelen
poster:maryhelen
thread:221053
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030426/msgs/224481.html