Posted by Dinah on January 11, 2003, at 21:48:24
In reply to Re: Lonely is the night » Dinah, posted by Miller on January 11, 2003, at 21:04:32
> Well, Dinah,
> I started off my downward spiral by listening to my shrink tell me he has decided to spend a substancial amount of time less than what we had discussed during these three weeks. I, of course, was unable to articulate that I have cleared this three weeks in a last attampt to get my shit together.I'm sorry, Miller. I know you had a lot riding on this. Did he give a reason? Did he actually alter the original agreement, and on what grounds?
> I also had an appointment with my family doctor for meds and all. I had to 'fess up about the overdose. That wasn't comfortable at all.
> My family doctor called mt husband at work the next day. She told him he needs to regulate my meds to prevent aanother potential deliberate overdose.Ugh, ugh. That's one reason I'm terrified I'll act on my urges to down a bottle of pills. :( Although I have from time to time asked my husband to take control of them.
> My husband, who is very leary of this kind of freaked out. We are having enough difficulties trying to get him to understand all of this. On of the things he said was that he regrets marrying me. He said that because he can't help fix what is wrong, he feels powerless and that we weren't really meant to be together.
Ouch ouch ouch. He feels guilty about not being able to help you so he lashes out at you? Unfortunately, I do understand. My husband is the same way. He feels powerless and frightened so he gets angry. Do you have a good marriage in other ways?
> The reason for the uproar with my family soctor and the pschologist I met online os that they both know that my husband is out of town this weekend. My oppotunity presented itself. My shrink didn't even pick up on it. I have an appointment on Monday with him. It will be my last.
So your family doctor and the doctor online realized that you might harm yourself given the opportunity, but your therapist didn't? It sounds as if you are through with this therapist, so I won't ask you if you were honest with him about the possibility.
> I made the bargain with the inline psychologist because he seems to be genuinely concerned about getting me well. Not just preventing me from killing myself. So, we kept giving counter-proposals until we came to an agreement. I have agreed to not hurt myself or others this weekend.
> That may be why I am sleeping so much. It's easier to keep my word this way.So you'll be doing therapy online now? I agree with you about the sleeping. I use it a lot myself. Keep posting too, if that helps. I'm battling urges myself this weekend. No therapy appt until tuesday. My therapist said if I still wanted to move it to monday to call him, but i can take a hint (that it wasn't convenient to him) and won't.
I don't know much about online therapy. Will it be by email or telephone? How will that work?
I just hope you keep fighting to live. You have so much to give. The world needs more empathetic people.
Dinah
poster:Dinah
thread:35069
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030111/msgs/35081.html