Posted by ~~tabitha~~ on September 4, 2002, at 1:11:11
In reply to Re: and the $600 question... Ted... » ~~tabitha~~, posted by Ted on September 3, 2002, at 17:38:07
> Hi Tabby,
>
> First, I want to say that we are conversing on this venue not because we are "normal", but because we have social and/or psychological problems at some level, so anything said does not necessarily represent mainstream belief.OK, I promise to discount your answer as just one crazy guy's opinion :-)
>
> 1. It certainly isn't the sex, not that it's not wanted or anything. :-)
>
> 2. For me, I think it is having someone who is truly interested in *me*, in my interests, in making me happy, etc. Someone who selflessly gives herself and her attention to me. Someone who makes me comfortable to share my innermost thoughts, feelings, secrets, and fantasies without fear of rejection. Sex is secondary. It ties the bond. Friends first, lovers second, sexual partners third.
OK, so it's who you feel safe in opening up to. Excuse my probing, but surely it couldn't just be anyone? Doesn't your loved one need some unique qualities?
>
> All men are different. I know some who would never admit they were ever "in love". For them, "love" is having a steady sex partner, period.Well, nuts to them. They're missing out.
>
> The vulnerabilities I listed are exactly why we feel such emotional pain following a breakup with someone whom we really, truly love, and why it is so terribly difficult to recover and do it all over again with someone new.Alright, this is just one crazy girl's opinion, but when I'm wanting to die over a breakup, I think it's because I'm reliving my childhood abandonment stuff. Once again I failed to be special enough to make daddy stay. Boy is that an awful feeling. The actual loss of the relationship is pretty minor in comparison.
>I am too -- it's been 17 years and I still feel the pain. I don't know what makes the pain go away.I think it's that grief process thing. I know it's hard to get it started.
>My wife knows of my loss but she doesn't understand it because she has never felt it.
Your wife must be lucky to have snagged her dream man first thing!
>
> How's that? Did I pass the test?
No test, sincere question. Thanks for your thoughts.>How do I collect my $600?
ulp, um, er, the check's in the mail.
poster:~~tabitha~~
thread:29660
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20020829/msgs/29836.html