Posted by alii on June 7, 2002, at 4:05:06
In reply to Pdoc on Monday, posted by alii on June 7, 2002, at 1:25:42
...and how I long for it...
cleaned....read a little bit....paced
enough sleeping pills to drop a horse and I'm not sleepy...but I'm soooooooooo tired
again wah wah wah woe is me how tiring it all becomes
and the current thought spinning through my head:
for the love of jimminy why did I rent a place without a tub?!! I could at least have insomnia in a hot bath. Awake and immersed in hot water sounds beyond delightful.
cannot wait to hear what pdoc comes up with on Monday....he'll have to remind me again that there is hope, that there is a reason to go on, that I do count, that I matter, I mutter, I scream out in pain
yet this dark demon/temptress/life sucking whore does not care for my cries, does not care to hear me wail and moan with despair
Have you ever sobbed so hard your entire body shook? And continued on in this fashion with the body shaking, the tears NONSTOP, hardly able to breathe due to all the damn tears for half an hour and more.........and not been able to attach this seeming sadness to anything?
No reason for crying so intensely other than the disease?
That is cruel. The intensity of mood poured on randomly jerks me about. *SLAP* yeah, it's like getting smacked around for no good reason.
feeling trapped
feeling cold
feeling so tired of the money ( I, my family, the state, prob. us gubmint but I strongly doubt it) invested in fighting this disease and the return being so shitty.If I were a stock I'd dump my ass so fast and find something long term and steady....oh wait it's a crap shoot trying to iron out the kinks in medicating the brain
so step right up! give it a whirl!!
go ahead...anyone can take a shot...find the mix of chemicals that quiet Alii's mind and you win
now please
please
(through my fucking insomniac wacked tears)
please let me win too++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
ever see the betting area of a race track after the races are over? all those scraps on the floor trodden upon
that's what happens when one gives up and crumples up their life tired of gambling for a longshot
poster:alii
thread:25116
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20020531/msgs/25121.html