Posted by Zo on March 4, 2002, at 20:03:20
In reply to Anger, posted by Dinah on February 28, 2002, at 10:24:00
> Again, my only question is whether these are normal spouse behaviours and if I need to just adjust my expectations to a more reasonable level. I am really just looking for detached rational feedback, since I don't wish to be more emotional over the subject than I already am.
Of course it's not, and I think you know that, and I think you also know we can't possibly give you feedback that will not stir up any additional emotion--and at the same time, I know exactly how you feel. I didn't want to have to change my life either, and I didn't realize that it was precisely being super-drained by the man I was unquote married to that was making me feel so drained, so incapable of a better life.
I don't know how to support you other than telling you, as a woman who has had a husband with an anger problem and who thought he loved her despite, the plain truth. And also tell you there are many, many small steps between where you are and where I got to, and that each of them--and we don't know your outcome, do we?---was a recovery of a self I'd lost, as a child. He could have chosen to get on the recovery train, and he chose not, but that was him. What I'm saying is, you, Dinah, can't go wrong if you go on making the best choices for yourself, moment by moment. The most loving, wisest choices. That's the most fruitful choice for your whole family.
In other words, don't you DARE adjust yourself!
Zo
poster:Zo
thread:19013
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20020223/msgs/19275.html