Posted by Racer on September 14, 2001, at 11:49:28
In reply to Re: Weight? Racer, posted by Roo on September 14, 2001, at 11:09:10
> Racer--
>
> I'm just curious to hear from you--how does it make
> you feel that one of the reasons your SO dosen't
> want sex is b/c of your weight?Well, that's an easy one! 'Of course, no one would want to touch me! I'm so enormous and disgusting, with a big belly, floppy upper arms, and ripply thighs! I wouldn't want to touch myself, how could it feel good to anyone? How could anyone ever find me attractive?'
Mind you, I've had a lot of that going on most of my life, but now there's that other little voice telling me that all the things I was so afraid of during my anorexic years, that if I ever relaxed my vigilance over food, I'd get so huge and disgusting that no one would ever want me, ARE TRUE. What a terrible thing. I finally get 'healthier', only to find that people around me want me to fall back into that.
And, to make matters worse, I have found myself saying inside, for several days now, 'very well, I just won't eat. THEN I'll lose weight. THEN they'll see.'
Just what I want most of all to do, hurt myself (again) in order to hurt others who probably won't even notice.
Damn it all! Bring on the ice cream sandwiches, someone! Let's order the extra large pizza! Who's gonna join me, hm?
poster:Racer
thread:11334
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20010909/msgs/11368.html