Posted by Wendy B. on September 13, 2001, at 22:28:52
In reply to Re: Follow up on my trivial troubles, posted by susan C on September 13, 2001, at 21:26:48
(dear bigger mouse:
do they have a slightly bigger mousetrap now too? i can tell you're a very beautiful, soulful mousie...)
and racer:is it worth the fight? yes, but you have to take care of yourself too...
why are we talking about weight...?
a woman who is 200 lbs or whatever, or more, is AS LOVABLE AS ANYONE ELSE, don't you think? i mean, whatever our weight is, we're all lovable.
your man is throwing onto you (projecting) what are most cetainly HIS problems...
i hate the sexism of this. how svelte is HIS fabulous booty??
would you ever think of throwing HIS weight in his face as an answer to a serious relationship problem?... what if you were unresponsive to him while having sex, and he asked you why, and you said, well, gee, honey, it's because you weigh too much?
you are 5'9" and a size 12? it's like your therapist said: 1/2 of all people want to meet you, and 1/2 of them want to BE you.... 'nuff said.
don't you dare let his comments change your self-perception and self-worth one bit. if you are a former anorexic, this weight is very good for you, it's ok to look in the mirror and see a healthy-looking person with meat on her bones. my sister has a weight-perception problem, too, i've seen it in action. millions of men would like to pat your butt, woman!
willow and susan and kingfish are right, is this the best thing for you right now? if his stress is too much, wouldn't he benefit just for himself, to go to therapy at least alone? it sounds like he is suffering from a lot of anxiety. he needs to take care of himself, too
my ex was similar, although his problem was alternately depressed and hypomanic. and he didn't want to do the couples therapy thing, though i thought surely the relationship was worth saving... the reality hits, though, when the other person says: no, it's not.
now i think it was because he had to face his own demons in his own therapy, and there was no way he could be there and present in a relationship, with me at least...sounds like you have had your own share of troubles, with the miscarriages, the ex who also blamed you for being TOO sexually responsive (!!). and now the current man who cannot be intimate, share with you, be your real lover... and blames you besides.
you're drawn to men like this because...? (my track record is no better, believe me! working on it with meds and therapy, though!)
i hope you find what you're looking for, and i send you a hug:
\\\\((((( you )))))))///
because you need it,
as do we all in a week like this.i'm watching the trail of tears
on the TV, sisters, mothers,
brothers, children, of the victims,
crying, and still hoping
beyond hope
that their missing are alive,
it's amazing, that they
still have hope...peace -
wendy
> Now, weight a minute...I am 5'9" (and 3/4 depending on who's measuring) and I would be THRILLED to weigh 170, I just hit 178 after hovering at 185-90 for years....I have been a size twelve since I was twelve, it is my identity, when I hit size 18 I stopped looking at myself in the mirror. This is on the top end for our height, but not too bad. At 155 I know I would look haggard, 125 I visited when about 25 and looked skelental..If I could hit 170 or a little less, I would be floating...? MMMMMmmmmmmm, lets, compare measurements (lol)
>
> Willow and Krazy have very delicately presented a topic for your consideration...there is a conflict between commitment or lack there of and a willingness to work for said commitment through counselling or other...things.... is his stress separate from your weight?
>
> A slightly BIGGER mouse than I have let on
> Susan C
>
> > My SO and I talked today. He's not willing to see a counselor. He says that the only reasons we're not having sex are his stress and my weight. He's too stressed out, and I need to lose weight.
> >
> > To put this in perspective, I'm 5'9" tall, and weigh about 170. I think I wear a size 12. I'm not tiny, but not huge. And after years of anorexia, this is probably healthier for me. It's certainly not healthy for me to obsess about it.
> >
> > On top of the fears and terrors of the last few days, when I need to be held and loved, to hear that it ain't gonna be happening anytime soon is almost too much.
> >
> > Is life even worth the fight?
poster:Wendy B.
thread:11334
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20010909/msgs/11344.html